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\ 



POOR BULBO IS ORDERED FOR EXECUTION. 


Frontispiece 


THE ROSE AND THE RING 

OR THE HISTORY OF PRINCE GIGLIO 
AND PRINCE BULBO 

A Fireside Pantomime for Great and Small Children 

By MR. M. A. TITMARSH 

(W. M. THACKERAY) 


INTRODUCTION BY EDWARD EVERETT HALE 



BOSTON, U.S.A. 

D. C. HEATH & CO., PUBLISHERS 



THE LIBRARY OF 
CONGRESS, 

Two Copies Received 

AUG. 20 1901 

Copyright entry 

Ctouc 2 o. itja 

CLASS fl CVXXo. N®. 

I sz&z 

COPY B. 


Copyright, 1901, 

By D. C. Heath & Co. 


< * « < « < 


3BIimpton ^rcss 

f.. M. PLIHI^TJjN ;* b^. c , PRINTERS & BINDERS, 
‘ c ^O^W^OD^ MASS., U S. A. 


‘ ‘ « ‘ 


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INTRODUCTION 


Mr. Thackeray’s fondness for children was to be 
noticed in all his life, and appears, again and again, in 
his stories and essays. It is in “The Rose and the 
Ring” that it bubbles out in the full frolic of his fun 
and imagination. Much as he enjoyed good work with 
the pen, it seems as if this little book must have been 
his pet among all. No boy or girl reads it, no man or 
woman, without asking for more as eagerly as poor little 
Oliver did. In the exuberance of its rollicking absurdi- 
ties it would be only ridiculous to try to trace plan or 
motive except the wish to amuse the reader, young or 
old, and his certainty that he could do so. 

We laugh and laugh as we read, and hardly notice 
that the fun is now of one sort and now of another. He 
had read all sorts of Fairy Tales and knew how to write 
in their fashion. He had read enough of Goody-goody 
Tales to know how to make fun of them. The experi- 
enced reader of old romances comes across little touches 
which show how Mr. Titmarsh was deep in their ab- 
surdities, and he pays his tribute to the nonsense of the 
modern school which pretends to lug instruction into its 
story books, as one gives a child her castor oil masked 
with barley candy. The Arabian Nights give their 
points and the old Fairy Tales of the Northern Tribes 
of Europe ; there is a vein of satire now, and then a 
wild outburst of some geyser of his imagination. And 
it is always our dear, kind, hearty, loving Mr. Thackeray. 

If the little book was lying in a pile of books for 
review by one of the modern critics, between Gradgrind 


VI 


Introduction 


on the “Correlation of Forces” and Roger Seldon’s 
novel, “The Heroine of 1234,” the critic would say, 
“ This little brochure seems quite unnecessary. It can 
hardly be called a novel, yet it is a work of the imagina- 
tion. The incidents are improbable, and the characters 
not well sustained. The action of the story is in Asia 
Minor, and the period somewhere after the invention 
of writing, but before that of Edison’s incandescent 
light.” And then the critic would rush forward to a 
review equally valuable of Seldon’s novel. 

But when the book comes as a birthday present or a 
Christmas present to my excellent young friends, Alice 
or Bertha, or Clara or Dan, or Edgar or Frank, or the 
boy or girl who holds this very copy in hand, it is joy 
and delight. I should rather wish that either of the 
young readers should be well up, as the school boys 
say, in his “Arabian Nights” and Grimm. But whether 
they are or not, they will go to bed blessing dear Mr. 
Thackeray, and to-morrow they will catch papa as he 
puts on his boots to ask if he is certain that Mr. 
Thackeray wrote no more of the same kind. 

The story was written at Christmas time, in the year 
1854, when the author was living in the city of Rome. 
There was a dear little girl there who was sick. And 
dear Mr. Thackeray drew these pictures and wrote the 
different chapters, one by one, to entertain her. “ She 
would start up eagerly and toss back her thick hair, and 
stretch out her hot hand for the pages as he brought 
them to her.” I hope that neither Alice, nor Dan, nor 
any other of my young friends will read “The Rose and 
the Ring” imprisoned in bed. But I am sure that if 
Alice or Dan are the girl and boy I think they are, they 
will thank Mr. Thackeray for his story and his pictures. 

EDWARD E. HALE. 

Roxbury, Massachusetts, June, 1901. 


CONTENTS 


PAGE 

Introduction v 

Prelude viii 

I. Shows how the Royal Family sate down to Break- 
fast j 

II. How King Valoroso got the Crown and Prince 

Giglio went without 

III. Tells who the Fairy Blackstick was, and who were 

Ever so Many Grand Personages besides . . n 

IV. How Blackstick was not asked to the Princess 

Angelica’s Christening 16 

V. How Princess Angelica took a Little Maid . . 20 

VI. How Prince Giglio behaved himself .... 26 

VII. How Giglio and Angelica had a Quarrel . . 36 

VIII. How Gruffanuff picked the Fairy Ring up and 

Prince Bulbo came to Court 41 

IX. How Betsinda got the Warming-pan .... 50 

X. How King Valoroso was in a Dreadful Passion . 56 

XI. What Gruffanuff did to Giglio and Betsinda. . 61 

XII. Flow Betsinda fled and what became of her . . 71 

XIII. How Queen Rosalba came to the Castle of the 

Bold Count Hogginarmo 77 

XIV. What became of Giglio 83 

XV. We return to Rosalba 97 

XVI. How Hedzoff rode Back Again to King Giglio . 104 

XVII. How a Tremendous Battle took Place and who 

won it Ill 

XVIII. How they All journeyed Back to the Capital . 119 

XIX. And now we come to the Last Scene in the 

Pantomime 125 

vii 


PRELUDE. 


It happened that the undersigned spent the last 
Christmas season in a foreign city where there were 
many English children. 

In that city, if you wanted to give a child’s party, you 
could not even get a magic lantern or buy Twelfth- 
Night characters — those funny painted pictures of the 
King, the Queen, the Lover, the Lady, the Dandy, the 
Captain, and so on — with which our young ones are 
wont to recreate themselves at this festive time. 

My friend, Miss Bunch, who was governess of a large 
family, that lived in the Piano Nobile of the house in- 
habited by myself and my young charges (it was the 
Palazzo Poniatowski at Rome, and Messrs. Spillmann, 
two of the best pastry-cooks in Christendom, have their 
shop on the ground floor); Miss Bunch, I say, begged 
me to draw a set of Twelfth-Night characters for the 
amusement of our young people. 

She is a lady of great fancy and droll imagination, 
and, having looked at the characters, she and I com- 
posed a history about them, which was recited to the 
little folks at night, and served as our fireside pan- 
tomime. 

Our juvenile audience was amused by the adventures 
of Giglio and Bulbo, Rosalba and Angelica. I am 

viii 


Prelude. 


IX 


bound to say the fate of the Hall Porter created a con- 
siderable sensation, and the wrath of Countess Gruffa- 
nuff was received with extreme pleasure. 

If these children are pleased, thought I, why should 
not others be amused also ? In a few days Dr. Birch’s 
young friends will be expected to reassemble at Rod- 
well Riegs, where they will learn everything that is 
useful, and under the eyes of careful ushers continue 
the business of their little lives. 

But in the meanwhile, and for a brief holiday, let us 
laugh and be as pleasant as we can. And you elder 
folks — a little joking and dancing and fooling will do 
even you no harm. The author wishes you a merry 
Christmas, and welcomes you to the Fireside Pantomime. 

M. A. TITMARSH. 


December, 1854. 



































































THE ROSE AND THE RING. 


CHAPTER I. 

SHOWS HOW THE ROYAL FAMILY SATE DOWN TO 
BREAKFAST. 

This is Valoroso XXIV., King of Paflagonia, seated 
with his Queen and only child at their royal break- 
fast-table, and receiving the letter which announces 
to his Majesty a proposed visit from Prince Bulbo, 
heir of Padella, reigning King of Crim Tartary. Re- 
mark the delight upon the monarch’s royal features. 
He is so absorbed in the perusal of the King of Crim 
Tartary’s letter, that he allows his eggs to get cold, 
and leaves his august muffins untasted. 



2 Royal Folks at Breakfast Time. 

“ What ! that wicked, brave, delightful Prince Bulbo ! ” 
cries Princess Angelica — “ so handsome, so accom- 
plished, so witty, — the conqueror of Rimbombamento, 
where he slew ten thousand giants ! ” 

“ Who told you of him, my dear ? ” asks his 
Majesty. 

“ A little bird,” says Angelica. 

“ Poor Giglio ! ” says mamma, pouring out the tea. 

“ Bother Giglio ! ” cries Angelica, tossing up her 
head, which rustled with a thousand curl-papers. 

“ I wish,” growls the King — “ I wish Giglio was . . .” 

“Was better? Yes, dear, he is better,” says the 
Queen. “Angelica’s little maid, Betsinda, told me so 
when she came to my room this morning with my early 
tea.” 

“ You are always drinking tea,” said the monarch, 
with a scowl. 

“ It is better than drinking port or brandy-and- 
water,” replies her Majesty. 

“ Well, well, my dear, I only said you were fond of 
drinking tea,” said the King of Paflagonia, with an 
effort as if to command his temper. “ Angelica ! I 
hope you have plenty of new dresses ; your milliners’ 
bills are long enough. My dear Queen, you must see 
and have some parties. I prefer dinners, but of course 
you will be for balls. Your everlasting blue velvet 
quite tires me ; and, my love, I should like you to have 
a new necklace. Order one. Not more than a hundred 
or a hundred and fifty thousand pounds.” 

“ And Giglio, dear,” says the Queen. 

“Giglio may go to the — ” 

“Oh, sir!” screams her Majesty. “Your own 
nephew ! our late King’s only son.” 

“ Giglio may go to the tailor’s, and order the bills to 
be sent in to Glumboso to pay. Confound him ! I mean 
bless his dear heart. He need want for nothing; give 
him a couple of guineas for pocket-money, my dear, and 
you may as well order yourself bracelets, while you are 
about the necklace, Mrs. V.” 


3 


Awful Consequence of Crime ! 

Her Majesty, or Mrs . V, as the monarch facetiously 
called her (for even royalty will have its sport, and this 
august family were very much attached), embraced her 
husband, and, twining her arm around her daughter’s 
waist, they quitted the breakfast-room in order to make 
all things ready for the princely stranger. 

When they were gone, the smile that had lighted up 
the eyes of the husband and father d — the pride of the 
King fled — the man was alone. Had I the pen of a 
G. P. R. James, I would describe Valoroso’s torments in 
the choicest language ; in which I would also depict his 
flashing eye, distended nostril — his dressing-gown, 
pocket-handkerchief, and boots. But I need not say I 
have not the pen of that novelist ; suffice it to say, 
Valoroso was alone. 

He rushed to the cupboard, seizing from the table one 
of the many egg-cups with which his princely board was 
served for the matin meal, drew out a bottle of right 
Nantz or Cognac, filled an emptied cup several times, 
and laid it down with a hoarse “Ha, ha, ha! now Valo- 
roso is a man again ! ” 

“ But oh ! ” he went on (still sipping, I am sorry to 
say), “ere I was a king, I needed not this intoxicating 
draught ; once I detested the hot brandy wine, and 
quaffed no other fount but nature’s rill. It dashes not 
more quickly o’er the rocks than I did, as, with blunder- 
buss in hand, I brushed away the early morning dew, 
and shot the partridge, snipe, or antlered deer ! Ah ! 
well may England’s dramatist remark, ‘Uneasy lies the 
head that wears a crown ! ’ Why did I steal my nephew’s, 
my young Giglio’s — ? Steal ! said I ; .no, no, no, not 
steal, not steal. Let me withdraw that odious expres- 
sion. I took, and on my manly head I set, the royal 
crown of Paflagonia ; I took, and with my royal arm I 
wield, the sceptral rod of Paflagonia ; I took, and in 
my outstretched hand I hold, the royal orb of Pafla- 
gonia ! Could a poor boy, a snivelling, drivelling boy 
— was in his nurse’s arms but yesterday, and cried for 
sugar plums and puled for pap — bear up the awful 


4 


Ah, I Fear, King Valoroso, 

weight of crown, orb, sceptre ? — gird on the sword 
my royal fathers wore, and meet in fight the tough Cri- 
mean foe ? ” 

And then the monarch went on to argue in his own 
mind (though we need not say that blank verse is not 
argument) that what he had got it was his duty to keep, 
and that, if at one time he had entertained ideas of a 
certain restitution, which shall be nameless, the pros- 
pect by a certain marriage of uniting two crowns and 
two nations which had been engaged in bloody and ex- 
pensive wars, as the Paflagonians and the Crimeans had 
been, put the idea of Giglio’s restoration to the throne 
out of the question : nay, were his own brother, King 
Savio, alive, he would certainly will away the crown from 
his own son in order to bring about such a desirable 
union. 

Thus easily do we deceive ourselves ! Thus do we 
fancy what we wish is right ! The King took courage, 
read the papers, finished his muffins and eggs, and rang 
the bell for his Prime Minister. The Queen, after think- 
ing whether she should go up and see Giglio, who had 
been sick, thought, “ Not now. Business first, pleasure 
afterwards. I will go and see dear Giglio this afternoon ; 
and now I will drive to the jeweller’s, to look for the 
necklace and bracelets.” The Princess went up into her 
own room, and made Betsinda, her maid, bring out all 
her dresses ; and as for Giglio, they forgot him as much 
as I forget what I had for dinner last Tuesday twelve- 
month. 


That your Conduct is but So-so! 


5 


CHAPTER II. 

HOW KING VALOROSO GOT THE CROWN AND PRINCE 
GIGLIO WENT WITHOUT. 

Paflagonia, ten or twenty thousand years ago, ap- 
pears to have been one of those kingdoms where the 
laws of succession were not settled ; for when King 
Savio died, leaving his brother regent of the kingdom, 
and guardian of Savio’s orphan infant, this unfaithful 
regent took no sort of regard of the late monarch’s will ; 
had himself proclaimed sovereign of Paflagonia under 
the title of King Valoroso XXIV., had a most splendid 
coronation, and ordered all the nobles of the kingdom to 
pay him homage. So long as Valoroso gave them plenty 
of balls at Court, plenty t>f money, and lucrative places, 
the Paflagonian nobility did not care who was king ; and 
as for the people, in those early times, they were equally 
indifferent. The Prince Giglio, by reason of his tender 
age at his royal father’s death, did not feel the loss of 
his crown and empire. As long as he had plenty of 
toys and sweetmeats, a holiday five times a week, and a 
horse and gun to go out shooting when he grew a little 
older, and, above all, the company of his darling cousin, 
the King’s only child, poor Giglio was perfectly con- 
tented ; nor did he envy his uncle the royal robes and 
sceptre, the great hot, uncomfortable throne of state, 
and the enormous, cumbersome crown in which that 
monarch appeared, from morning till night. King Val- 
oroso’s portrait has been left to us ; and I think you will 


6 


H ere behold the Monarch sit, 


agree with me that he must have been sometimes rather 
tired of his velvet, and his diamonds, and his ermine, and 



his grandeur. I shouldn’t like to sit in that stifling robe 
with such a thing as that on my head. 


With her Majesty Opposite. 7 

No doubt the Queen must have been lovely in her 
youth ; for though" she grew rather stout in after life, 



yet her features, as shown in her portrait, are certainly 
pleasing. If she was fond of flattery, scandal, cards, 


8 H ow the Monarch Ruled his Nation. 

and fine clothes, let us deal gently with her infirmities, 
which, after all, may be no greater than our own. She 
was kind to her nephew ; and if she had any scruples 
of conscience about her husband’s taking the young 
Prince’s crown, consoled herself by thinking that the 
King, though a usurper, was a most respectable man, 
and that at his death Prince Giglio would be restored to 
his throne, and share it with his cousin, whom he loved 
so fondly. 

The Prime Minister was Glumboso, an old statesman, 
who most cheerfully swore fidelity to King Valoroso, 
and in whose hands the monarch left all the affairs of 
his kingdom. All Valoroso wanted was plenty of 
money, plenty of hunting, plenty of flattery, and as 
little trouble as possible. As long as he had his sport, 
this monarch cared little how his people paid for it ; he 
engaged in some wars, and of course the Paflagonian 
newspapers announced that he gained prodigious victo- 
ries ; he had statues erected to himself in every city of 
the empire ; and of course his pictures placed every- 
where, and in all the print shops ; he was Valoroso the 
Magnanimous, Valoroso the Victorious, Valoroso the 
Great, and so forth ; — for even in these early times 
courtiers and people knew how to flatter. 

This royal pair had one only child, the Princess An- 
gelica, who, you may be sure, was a paragon in the 
courtiers’ eyes, in her parents’, and in her own. It was 
said she had the longest hair, the largest eyes, the slim- 
mest waist, the smallest foot, and the most lovely com- 
plexion of any young lady in the Paflagonian dominions. 
Her accomplishments were announced to be even supe- 
rior to her beauty ; and governesses used to shame their 
idle pupils by telling them what Princess Angelica could 
do. She could play the most difficult pieces of music 
at sight. She could answer any one of Mangnal’s Ques- 
tions. She knew every date in the history of Paflagonia, 
and every other country. She knew French, English, 
Italian, German, Spanish, Hebrew, Greek, Latin, Cap- 
padocian, Samothracian, Aegean, and Crim Tartar. In 


Gruffanuff, and what her Station. 


9 


a word, she was a most accomplished yopng creature ; 
and her governess and lady-in-waiting was the severe 
Countess Gruffanuff. 

Would you not fancy, from this picture, that Gruff- 



anuff must have been a person of the highest birth? 
She looks so haughty that I should have thought her a 
princess at the very least, with a pedigree reaching as 
far back as the deluge. But this lady was no better 
born than many other ladies who give themselves airs ; 


IO 


Beware of Pride without a Cause ! 


and all sensible people laughed at her absurd preten- 
sions ; the fact is she had been maid-servant to the 
Queen when her Majesty was only Princess, and her 
husband had been head footman, but after his death or 
disappearance , of which you shall hear presently, this 
Mrs. Gruffanuff, by flattering, toadying, and wheedling 
her royal mistress, became a favorite with the Queen 
(who was rather a weak woman), and her Majesty gave 
her a title, and made her nursery governess to the 
Princess. 

And now I must tell you about the Princess’ learning 
and accomplishments, for which she had such a wonder- 
ful character. Clever Angelica certainly was, but as 
idle as possible. Play at sight, indeed ! she could play 
one or two pieces, and pretend that she had never seen 
them before ; she could answer half a dozen Mangnal’s 
Questions ; but then you must take care to ask the right 
ones. As for her languages, she had masters in plenty, 
but I doubt whether she knew more than a few phrases 
in each, for all her pretence ; and as for her embroidery 
and her drawing, she showed beautiful specimens, it is 
true, but who did them ? 

This obliges me to tell the truth, and to do so I must 
go back ever so far, and tell you about the Fairy 
Blackstick. 


Who the Fairy Blackstick Was. 


I 


CHAPTER III. 

TELLS WHO THE FAIRY BLACKSTICK WAS, AND WHO WERE 
EVER SO MANY GRAND PERSONAGES BESIDES. 

Between the kingdoms of Paflagonia and Crim Tar- 
tary, there lived a mysterious personage, who was 
known in those countries as the Fairy Blackstick, from 
the ebony wand or crutch which she carried ; on which 
she rode to the moon sometimes, or upon other excur- 
sions of business or pleasure, and with which she per- 
formed her wonders. 

When she was young, and had been first taught the 
art of conjuring, by the necromancer, her father, she 
was always practising her skill, whizzing about from 
one kingdom to another upon her black stick, and con- 
ferring her fairy favors upon this Prince or that. She 
had scores of royal godchildren ; turned numberless 
wicked people into beasts, birds, millstones, clocks, 
pumps, bootjacks, umbrellas, or other absurd shapes; 
and in a word was one of the most active and officious 
of the whole College of fairies. 

But after two or three thousand years of this sport, I 
suppose Blackstick grew tired of it. Or perhaps she 
thought, “ What good am I doing by sending this Prin- 
cess to sleep for a hundred years ? by fixing a black 
pudding on to that booby’s nose ? by causing diamonds 
and pearls to drop from one little girl’s mouth, and vipers 
and toads from another’s? I begin to think I do as 
much harm as good by my performances. I might as 


12 Fairy Roses, Fairy Rings, 

well shut my incantations up, and allow things to take 
their natural course. 

“There were my two young goddaughters, King 
Savio’s wife, and Duke Padella’s wife; I gave them 
each a present which was to render them charming in 
the eyes of their husbands, and secure the affection of 
those gentlemen as long as they lived. What good did 
my Rose and my Ring do these two women ? None on 
earth. From having all their whims indulged by their 
husbands, they became capricious, lazy, ill-humored, 
absurdly vain, and leered and languished, and fancied 
themselves irresistibly beautiful, when they were really 
quite old and hideous, the ridiculous creatures ! They 
used actually to patronize me when I went to pay them 
a visit : me , the Fairy Blackstick, who knows all the 
wisdom of the necromancers, and who could have turned 
them into baboons, and all their diamonds into strings 
of onions, by a single wave of my rod ! ” So she locked 
up her books in her cupboard, declined further magical 
performances, and scarcely used her wand at all except 
as a cane to walk about with. 

So when Duke Padella’s lady had a little son (the Duke 
was at that time only one of the principal noblemen in 
Crim Tartary), Blackstick, although invited to the chris- 
tening, would not so much as attend ; but merely sent 
her compliments and a silver papboat for the baby, which 
was really not worth a couple of guineas. About the 
same time the Queen of Paflagonia presented his 
Majesty with a son and heir; and guns were fired, the 
capital illuminated, and no end of feasts ordained to 
celebrate the young Prince’s birth. It was thought the 
fairy, who was asked to be his godmother, would at least 
have presented him with an invisible jacket, a flying 
horse, a Fortunatus’ purse, or some other valuable token 
of her favor; but instead, Blackstick went up to the 
cradle of the child Giglio, when everybody was admir- 
ing him and complimenting his royal papa and mamma, 
and said : “ My poor child, the best thing I can send you 
is a little misfortune ” and this was all she would utter, 


Turn out sometimes Troublesome Things. 13 

to the disgust of Giglio’s parents, who died very soon 
after, when Giglio’s uncle took the throne, as we read in 
Chapter I. 

In like manner, when Cavolfiore, King of Crim Tar- 
tary, had a christening of his only child, Rosalba, the 
Fairy Blackstick, who had been invited, was not more 
gracious than in Prince Giglio’s case. Whilst everybody 
was expatiating over the beauty of the darling child, and 
congratulating its parents, the Fairy Blackstick looked 
very sadly at the baby and its mother, and said : “ My 
good woman (for the Fairy was very familiar, and no 
more minded a Queen than a washerwoman) — my good 
woman, these people who are following you will be the 
first to turn against you ; and, as for this little lady, the 
best thing I can wish her is a little misfortune .” So she 
touched Rosalba with her black wand, looked severely 
at the courtiers, motioned the Queen an adieu with her 
hand, and sailed slowly up into the air out of the win- 
dow. 

When she was gone, the Court people, who had been 
awed and silent in her presence, began to speak. “ What 
an odious Fairy she is [they said] — a pretty Fairy, 
indeed ! Why, she went to the King of Paflagonia’s 
christening, and pretended to do all sorts of things for 
that family; and what has happened — the Prince, her 
godson, has been turned off his throne by his uncle. 
Would we allow our sweet Princess to be deprived of 
her rights by any enemy? Never, never, never, 
never! ” 

And they all shouted in a chorus, “ Never, never, never, 
never ! ” 

Now, I should like to know, and how did these fine 
courtiers show their fidelity ? One of King Cavolfiore’s 
vassals, the Duke Padella just mentioned, rebelled against 
the King, who went out to chastise his rebellious subject. 
“ Any one rebel against our beloved and august Mon- 
arch ! ” cried the courtiers ; “ any one resist him ? He 
is invincible, irresistible. He will bring home Padella a 
prisoner ; and tie him to a donkey’s tail, and drive him 


14 Flattering Courtiers make Poor Martyrs, 

round the town, saying: ‘This is the way the Great Cavol- 
fiore treats rebels.’ ” 

The King went forth to vanquish Padella; and the 
poor Queen, who was a very timid, anxious creature, 
grew so frightened and ill, that I am sorry to say she 
died, leaving injunctions with her ladies to take care of 
the dear little Rosalba. Of course they said they would. 
Of course they vowed they would die rather than any 
harm should happen to the Princess. At first the Crim 
Tartar Court Journal stated that the King was obtaining 
great victories over the audacious rebel ; then it was 
announced that the troops of the infamous Padella were 
in flight ; then it was said that the royal army would 
soon come up with the enemy; and then — then the 
news came that King Cavolfiore was vanquished and 
slain by His Majesty, King Padella the First! 

At this news, half the courtiers ran off to pay their 
duty to the conquering chief, and the other half ran 
away, laying hands on all the best articles in the palace, 
and poor little Rosalba was left there quite alone — quite 
alone ; and she toddled from one room to another, cry- 
ing : “Countess! Duchess! [only she said ‘Tountess, 
Duttess,’ not being able to speak plain] bring me my 
mutton sop ; my Royal Highness hungry ! Tountess, 
Duttess! ” And she went from the private apartments 
into the throne-room and nobody was there ; and thence 
into the ball-room, and nobody was there; and thence into 
the pages’ room, and nobody was there ; and she tod- 
dled down the great staircase into the hall, and nobody 
was there ; and the door was open, and she went into 
the court, and into the garden, and thence into the wil- 
derness, and thence into the forest where the wild beasts 
live, and was never heard of any more ! 

A piece of her torn mantle and one of her shoes were 
found in the wood in the mouths of two lioness’ cubs, 
whom King Padella and a royal hunting party shot — 
for he was King now, and reigned over Crim Tartary. 
“ So the poor little Princess is done for,” said he ; “ well, 


Who was King of the Crim Tartars? 15 

what’s done can’t be helped. Gentlemen, let us go to 
luncheon ! ” And one of the courtiers took up the shoe 
and put it in his pocket. And there was an end of 
Rosalba. 



Gruffanuff is Silenced Quite ; 


16 


CHAPTER IV. 

HOW BLACKSTICK WAS NOT ASKED TO THE PRINCESS 
ANGELICA’S CHRISTENING. 

When the Princes^ Angelica was born, her parents 
not only did not ask the Fairy Blackstick to the christen- 
ing party, but gave orders to their porter absolutely to 
refuse her if she called. This porter’s name was Gruff- 
anuff, and he had been selected for the post by their 
Royal Highnesses because he was a very tall, fierce 
man, who could say “ Not at home,” to a tradesman or 
an unwelcome visitor, with a rudeness which frightened 
most such persons away. He was the husband of that 
Countess whose picture we have just seen, and as long 
as they were together they quarrelled from morning till 
night. Now this fellow tried his rudeness once too 
often, as you shall hear. For the Fairy Blackstick 
coming to call upon the Prince and Princess, who were 
actually sitting at the open drawing-room window, Gruff- 
anuff not only denied them, but made the most odious 
vulgar sign as he was going to slam the door in the 
Fairy’s face! “ Git away, old Blackstick!” said he. 
“ I tell you, Master and Missis ain’t at home to you ; ” 
and he was, as we have said, going to slam the door. 

But the Fairy, with her wand, prevented the door 
being shut ; and Gruffanuff came out again in a fury, 
swearing in the most abominable way, and asking the 
Fairy “whether she thought he was a-going to stay at 
that there door hall day ? ” 

“You are going to stay at that door all day and all 


Don’t you Think she Served him Right? 17 


night, and for many a long year,” the Fairy said, very 
majestically; and, Gruffanuff, coming out of the door, 
straddling before it with his great calves, burst out 



laughing, and cried : “Ha, ha, ha ! this is a good un ! 
Ha — ah — what’s this? Let me down — O — o — 
H’m ! ” and then he was dumb ! 


1 8 All ye Footmen, Rude and Rough, 

For, as the Fairy waved her wand over him, he felt 
himself rising off the ground, and fluttered up against 
the door, and then, as if a screw ran into his stomach, 
he felt a dreadful pain there, and was pinned to the 
door ; and then his arms flew up over his head ; and his 
legs, after writhing about wildly, twisted under his body ; 
and he felt cold, cold, growing over him, as if he was 
turning into metal, and he said : “ O — o — H’m ! ” and 
could say no more, because he was dumb. 

He was turned into metal! He was from being brazen , 
brass! He was neither more nor less than a knocker! 

And there he was, nailed 
to the door in the blazing 
summer day, till he burned 
almost red-hot ; and there 
he was, nailed to the door 
all the bitter winter nights, 
till his brass nose was drop- 
ping with icicles. And the 
postman came and rapped 
at him, and the vulgarest 
boy with a letter came and 
hit him up against the door. 
And the King and Queen 
(Princess and Prince they 
were then), coming home 
from a walk that evening, 
the King said : “ Hullo, 

my dear ! you have had a 
new knocker put on the door. Why, it’s rather like our 
porter in the face! What has become of that boozy 
vagabond ? ” And the housemaid came and scrubbed 
his nose with sandpaper. And once, when the Princess 
Angelica’s little sister was born, he was tied up in an 
old kid glove ; and, another night, some larking young 
men tried to wrench him off, and put him to the most 
excruciating agony with a turnscrew. And then the 
Queen had a fancy to have the color of the door altered; 
and the painters dabbed him over the mouth and eyes, 



Warning Take by Gruffanuff. 19 

and nearly choked him, as they painted him pea-green. 
I warrant he had leisure to repent of having been rude 
to the Fairy Blackstick. 

As for his wife, she did not miss him ; and as he was 
always guzzling beer at the public-house, and notoriously 
quarrelling with his wife, and in debt to the tradesmen, 
it was supposed he had run away from all these evils 
and emigrated to Australia or America. And when the 
Prince and Princess chose to become King and Queen, 
they left their old house, and nobody thought of the 
porter any more. 


20 


How the Princess, as She Played, 


CHAPTER V. 

HOW PRINCESS ANGELICA TOOK A LITTLE MAID. 


One day, when the Princess Angelica was quite a 
little girl, she was walking in the garden of the palace, 
with Mrs. Gruffanuff, the governess, holding a parasol 



over her head to keep her sweet complexion from the 
freckles, and Angelica was carrying a bun to feed the 
swans and ducks in the royal pond. 


21 


Met a Little Beggar Maid. 

They had not reached the duck-pond, when there 
came toddling up to them such a funny little girl ! She 
had a great quantity of hair blowing about her chubby 
little cheeks, and looked as if she had not been washed 
or combed for ever so long. She wore a ragged bit of 
a cloak, and had only one shoe on. 

“You little wretch, who let you in here?” asked 
Gruffanuff. 

“ Dive me dat bun,” said the little girl, “ me vely 
hungy.” 

“ Hungry ! what is that ? ” asked Princess Angelica, 
and gave the child the bun. 

“ Oh, Princess ! ” says Gruffanuff, “ how good, how 
kind, how truly angelical you are ! See, your Majes- 
ties,” she said to the King and Queen, who now came 
up, along with their nephew, Prince Giglio, “ how kind 
the Princess is ! She met this little dirty wretch in the 
garden — I can’t tell how she came in here, or why 
the guards did not shoot her dead at the gate ! — and 
the dear darling of a Princess has given her the whole 
of her bun ! ” 

“ I didn’t want it,” said Angelica. 

“ But you are a darling little angel all the same,” says 
the governess. 

“Yes; I know I am,” said Angelica. “Dirty little 
girl, don’t you know I am very pretty?” Indeed, she 
had on the finest of little dresses and hats, and as her 
hair was carefully curled, she looked very well. 

“ Oh, pooty, pooty ! ” says the little girl, capering 
about, laughing, and dancing, and munching her bun ; 
and as she ate it she began to sing, “ Oh what fun to 
have a plum bun ! how I wis it never was done ! ” At 
which, and her funny accent, Angelica, Giglio, and the 
King and Queen began to laugh very merrily. 

“ I can dance as well as sing,” says the little girl. 
“ I can dance, and I can sing, and I can do all sort of 
ting.” And she ran to a flower-bed, and pulling a few 
polyanthuses, rhododendrons, and other flowers, made 
herself a little wreath, and danced before the King and 


22 How this Little Beggar-baby 

Queen so drolly and prettily that everybody was de- 
lighted. 

“ Who was your mother — who were your relations, 
little girl ? ” said the Queen. 



The little girl said : “ Little lion was my brudder ; 
great big lioness my mudder ; neber heard of any 
udder.” And she capered away on her one shoe, and 
everybody was exceedingly diverted. 

So Angelica said to the Queen : “ Mamma, my parrot 


Danced and Sang, as Droll as may be. 23 

flew away out of its cage, and I don’t care any more for 
any of my toys, and I think this funny little dirty child 
will amuse me. I will take her home and give her 
some of my old frocks.” 

“ Oh, the generous darling ! ” says Gruffanuff. 
“Which I have worn ever so many times, and am 
quite tired of,” Angelica went on ; “ and she shall be my 
little maid. Will you go home with me, little dirty girl ? ” 
The child clapped her hands, and said : “ Go home 
with you — yes! You pooty Princess! — Have a nice 
dinner and wear a new dress ! ” 

And they all laughed again, and took home the child 
to the palace, where, when she was washed and combed, 
and had one of the Princess’ frocks given to her, she 
looked as handsome as Angelica, almost. Not that 
Angelica ever thought so ; for this little lady never 
imagined that anybody in the world could be as pretty, 
as good, or as clever as herself. In order that the little 
girl should not become too proud and conceited, Mrs. 
Gruffanuff took her old ragged mantle and one shoe, 
and put them into a glass box, with a card laid upon 
them, upon which was written : “ These were the old 
clothes in which little Betsinda was found when the 
great goodness and admirable kindness of her Royal 
Highness, the Princess Angelica, received this little 
outcast.” And the date was added, and the box 
locked up. 

For a while little Betsinda was a great favorite with 
the Princess, and she danced, and sang, and made her 
little rhymes, to amuse her mistress. But then the 
Princess got a monkey, and afterwards a little dog, and 
afterwards a doll, and did not care for Betsinda any 
more, who became very melancholy and quiet, and sang 
no more funny songs, because nobody cared to hear her. 
And then, as she grew older, she was made a little 
lady’s-maid to the Princess; and though she had no 
wages, she worked and mended, and put Angelica’s hair 
in papers, and was never cross when scolded, and was 
always eager to please her mistress, and was always up 


24 Of the Mistress and the Maid, 

early and to bed late, and at hand when wanted, and in 
fact became a perfect little maid. So the two girls grew 
up, and when the Princess came out, Betsinda was never 
tired of waiting on her; and made her dresses better 
than the best milliner, and was useful in a hundred ways. 
Whilst the Princess was having her masters, Betsinda 
would sit and watch them ; and in this way she picked 
up a great deal of learning ; for she was always awake, 
though her mistress was not, and listened to the wise 
professors when Angelica was yawning, or thinking of 
the next ball. And when the dancing-master came, 
Betsinda learned along with Angelica; and when the 
music-master came, she watched him, and practised the 
Princess’ pieces when Angelica was away at balls and 
parties ; and when the drawing-master came, she took 
note of all he said and did ; and the same with French, 
Italian, and all other languages — she learned them 
from the teacher who came to Angelica. When the 
Princess was going out of an evening she would say: 
“ My good Betsinda, you may as well finish what I 
have begun.” “Yes, Miss,” Betsinda would say, and 
sit down very cheerful, not to finish what Angelica 
begun, but to do it. 

For instance, the Princess would begin a head of a 
warrior, let us say, and when it was begun it was some- 
thing like this. 



Whilst One Worked the Other Played. 25 
But when it was done, the warrior was like this (only 



handsomer still if possible), and the Princess put her 
name to the drawing ; and the Court and King and 
Queen, and above all poor Giglio, admired the picture 
of all things, and said : “ Was there ever a genius like 
Angelica ? ” So, I am sorry to say, was it with the 
Princess’ embroidery and other accomplishments ; and 
Angelica actually believed that she did these things her- 
self, and received all the flattery of the Court as if every 
word of it was true. Thus she began to think that 
there was no young woman in all the world equal to 
herself, and that there was no young man good enough 
for her. As for Betsinda, as she heard none of these 
praises, she was not puffed up by them, and being a 
most grateful, good-natured girl, she was only too anx- 
ious to do everything which might give her mistress 
pleasure. Now you begin to perceive that Angelica 
had faults of her own, and was by no means such a 
wonder of wonders as people represented her Royal 
Highness to be. 


1 6 


Shows how Giglio Evinces 


CHAPTER VI. 

HOW PRINCE GIGLIO BEHAVED HIMSELF. 

And now let us speak about Prince Giglio, the nephew 
of the reigning monarch of Paflagonia. It has already- 
been stated, in page 5, that as long as he had a smart 



coat to wear, a good horse to ride, and money in his 
pocket, or rather to take out of his pocket, for he was 
very good-natured, my young Prince did not care for 
the loss of his crown and sceptre, being a thoughtless 
youth, not much inclined to politics or any kind of 


Idle Tastes like other Princes, 27 

learning. So his tutor had a sinecure. Giglio would 
not learn classics or mathematics, and the Lord Chan- 
cellor of Paflagonia, Squaretoso, pulled a very long 
face because the Prince could not be got to study the 
Paflagonian . laws and constitution ; but on the other 
hand, the King’s gamekeepers and huntsmen found the 
Prince an apt pupil ; the dancing-master pronounced 



that he was a most elegant and assiduous scholar ; the 
First Lord of the Billiard Table gave the most flattering 
reports of the Prince’s skill ; so did the Groom of the 
Tennis Court; and as for the Captain of the Guard and 
Fencing Master, the valiant and veteran Count Kuta- 
soff Hedzoff, he avowed that since he ran the General 
of Crim Tartary, the dreadful Grumbuskin, through the 
body, he never encountered so expert a swordsman as 
Prince Giglio. 


28 How his Pretty Cousin Meets Him, 

I hope you do not imagine that there was any impro- 
priety in the Prince and Princess walking together in 
the palace garden, and because Giglio kissed Angelica’s 
hand in a polite manner. In the first place they are 
cousins ; next, the Queen is walking in the garden too 



(you cannot see her for she happens to be behind that 
tree), and her Majesty always wished that Angelica and 
Giglio should marry : so did Giglio : so did Angelica 
sometimes, for she thought her cousin very handsome, 
brave, and good-natured; but then you know she was 
so clever and knew so many things, and poor Gig- 
lio knew nothing, and had no conversation. When 


2 9 


And how Saucily she Treats Him. 


they looked at the stars, what did Giglio know of the 
heavenly bodies ? Once, when on a sweet night in a 
balcony where they were standing, Angelica said : 
“ There is the Bear.” “ Where ? ” says Giglio ; “ don’t 
be afraid Angelica ! if a dozen bears come, I will kill 
them rather than they shall hurt you.” “ Oh, you silly 
creature!” says she, “you are very good, but you are 
not very wise.” When they looked at the flowers, Gig- 
lio was utterly unacquainted with botany, and had never 



heard of Linnaeus. When the butterflies passed Giglio 
knew nothing about them, being as ignorant of ento- 
mology as I am of algebra. So you see, Angelica, 
though she liked Giglio pretty well, despised him on 
account of his ignorance. I think she probably valued 
her own learning rather too much ; but to think too well 
of one’s self is the fault of people of all ages and both 
sexes. Finally, when nobody else was there, Angelica 
liked her cousin well enough. 

King Valoroso was very delicate in health, and withal 
so fond of good dinners (which were prepared for him 


30 Much I fear when Hearts are III, 

by his French cook, Marmitonio), that it was supposed 
he could not live long. Now the idea of anything hap- 
pening to the King struck the artful Prime Minister and 
the designing old lady-in-waiting with terror. For, 
thought Glumboso and the Countess, “ when Prince 
Giglio marries his cousin and comes to the throne, what 
a pretty position we shall be in, whom he dislikes, and 
who have always been unkind to him. We shall lose 



our places in a trice ; Gruffanuff will have to give up all 
the jewels, laces, snuff-boxes, rings, and watches which 
belonged to the Queen, Giglio’s mother ; and Glumboso 
will be forced to refund two hundred and seventeen thou- 
sand millions nine hundred and eighty-seven thousand 
four hundred and thirty-nine pounds, thirteen shillings, 
and sixpence halfpenny, money left to Prince Giglio 
by his poor dead father.” So the Lady of Honor and 
the Prime Minister hated Giglio because they had done 


Smalls the Good of Doctor’s Pill. 31 

him a wrong ; and these unprincipled people invented 
a hundred cruel stories about poor Giglio, in order 
to influence the King, Queen, and Princess against him : 



how he was so ignorant that he could not spell the 
commonest words, and actually wrote Valoroso Vallo- 
roso, and spelt Angelica with two l’s ; how he drank a 
great deal too much wine at dinner, and was always 
idling in the stables with the grooms; how he owed ever 


32 Folks with Whom we’re all Acquainted, 

so much money at the pastry-cook’s and the haber- 
dasher’s ; how he used to go to sleep at church ; how 
he was fond of playing cards with the pages. So did 
the Queen like playing cards ; so did the King go to 
sleep at church, and eat and drink too much ; and if 
Giglio owed a trifle for tarts, who owed him two hun- 
dred and seventeen thousand millions nine hundred and 
eighty-seven thousand four hundred and thirty-nine 
pounds, thirteen shillings, and sixpence halfpenny, I 
should like to know ? Detractors and tale-bearers (in 
my humble opinion) had better look at home. All this 
backbiting and slandering bad effect upon Princess An- 
gelica, who began to look coldly on her cousin, then to 
laugh at him and scorn him for being so stupid, then to 
sneer at him for having vulgar associates ; and at court 
balls, dinners, and so forth, to treat him so unkindly that 
poor Giglio became quite ill, took to his bed, and sent 
for the doctor. 

His Majesty King Valoroso, as we have seen, had his 
own reasons for disliking his nephew ; and as for those 
innocent readers who ask why ? I beg (with the per- 
mission of their dear parents) to refer them to Shake- 
speare’s pages, where they will read why King John 
disliked Prince Arthur. With the Queen, his royal but 
weak-minded aunt, when Giglio was out of sight he was 
out of mind. While she had her whist and her evening 
parties, she cared for little else. 

I dare say two villians, who shall be nameless, wished 
Doctor Pildrafto, the Court Physician, had killed Giglio 
right out, but he only bled and physicked him so se- 
verely that the Prince was kept to his room for several 
months and grew as thin as a post. 

Whilst he was lying sick in this way, there came to 
the Court of Paflagonia a famous painter, whose name 
was Tomaso Lorenzo, and who was Painter in Ordinary 
to the King of Crim Tartary, Paflagonia’s neighbor. To- 
maso Lorenzo painted all the Court, who were delighted 
with his work: for even Countess Gruffanuff looked 
young and Glumboso good-humored in his pictures. 


Aren't so Handsome as they’re Painted. 33 

“ He flatters very much,” some people said. “ Nay ! ” 
says Princess Angelica, “I am above flattery, and I 
think he did not make my picture handsome enough. 
I can’t bear to hear a man of genius unjustly cried 
down, and I hope my dear papa will make Lorenzo a 
knight of his Order of the Cucumber.” 

The Princess Angelica, although the courtiers vowed 
her Royal Highness could draw so beautifully that the 
idea of her taking lessons was absurd, yet chose to have 
Lorenzo for a teacher, and it was wonderful, as long as 
she painted in his studio , what beautiful pictures she 
made ! Some of the performances were engraved for 
the Book of Beauty ; others were sold for enormous 
sums at Charity Bazaars. She wrote the signatures 
under the drawings, no doubt, but I think I know who 
did the pictures — this artful painter, who had come 
with other designs on Angelica than merely to teach 
her to draw. 

One day, Lorenzo showed the Princess a portrait of a 
young man in armor, with fair hair and the loveliest 
blue eyes, and an expression at once melancholy and 
interesting. 

“ Dear Signor Lorenzo, who is this ? ” asked the 
Princess. “ I never saw any one so handsome,” says 
Countess Gruffanuff (the old humbug). 

“ That,” said the painter, “ that, madam, is the por- 
trait of my august young master, his Royal Highness 
Bulbo, Crown Prince of Crim Tartary, Duke of Acro- 
ceraunia, Marquis of Poluphloisboio, and Knight Grand 
Cross of the Order of the Pumpkin. That is the Order 
of the Pumpkin glittering on his manly breast, and 
received by his Royal Highness from his august father, 
his Majesty King Padella I., for his gallantry at the 
battle of Rimbombamento, when he slew with his own 
princely hand the King of Ograria and two hundred and 
eleven giants of the two hundred and eighteen who formed 
the King’s body-guard. The remainder were destroyed 
by the brave Crim Tartar army after an obstinate com- 
bat, in which the Crim Tartars suffered severely.” 


34 O you Painter, how you Flatter, 

What a Prince ! thought Angelica : so brave — so 
calm-looking — so young — what a hero ! 

“ He is as accomplished as he is brave,” continued 
the Court Painter. “ He knows all languages perfectly, 



sings deliciously, plays every instrument, composes 
operas which have been acted a thousand nights run- 
ning at the Imperial Theatre of Crim Tartary, and 
danced in a ballet there before the King and Queen, in 
which he looked so beautiful, that his cousin, the lovely 


Sure He Must be Laughing at Her. 35 

daughter of the King of Circassia, died for love of 
him.” 

“ Why did he not marry the poor Princess ? ” asked 
Angelica, with a sigh. 

“ Because they were first cousins , madam, and the 
clergy forbid these unions,” said the Painter. “ And, 
besides, the young Prince had given his royal heart 
elsewhere .” 

“ And to whom ? ” asked her Royal Highness. 

“ I am not at liberty to mention the Princess’ name,” 
answered the Painter. 

“But you may tell me the first letter of it,” gasped 
out the Princess. 

“ That your Royal Highness is at liberty to guess,” 
says Lorenzo. 

“ Does it begin with a Z ? ” asked Angelica. 

The Painter said it wasn’t a Z ; then she tried a Y ; 
then an X ; then a W, and went so backwards through 
almost the whole alphabet. 

When she came to D, and it wasn’t D, she grew very 
much excited ; when she came to C, and it wasn’t C, 
she was still more nervous ; when she came to B, and it 
wasn't B, “ O dearest Gruffanuff,” she said, “ lend me 
your smelling bottle ! ” and, hiding her head in the 
Countess’ shoulder, she faintly whispered: “Ah, Signor, 
can it be A ? ” 

“It was A; and though I may not, by my Royal 
Master’s orders, tell your Royal Highness the Princess’ 
name, whom he fondly, madly, devotedly, rapturously 
loves, I may show you her portrait,” says this sly boots ; 
and leading the Princess up to a gilt frame he drew a 
curtain which was before it. 

O goodness, the frame contained a looking-glass ! 
and Angelica saw her own face ! 


j6 Other Girls, the Author Guesses, 


CHAPTER VII. 

HOW GIGLIO AND ANGELICA HAD A QUARREL. 

The Court Painter of his Majesty the King of Crim 
Tartary returned to that monarch’s dominions, carrying 
away a number of sketches which he had made in the 
Paflagonian capital (you know, of course, my dears, that 
the name of the capital is Blombodinga) ; but the most 
charming of all his pieces was a portrait of the Princess 
Angelica, which all the Crim Tartar nobles came to see. 
With this work the king was so delighted, that he deco- 
rated the Painter with his Order of the Pumpkin (sixth 
class), and the artist became Sir Tomaso Lorenzo, K.P., 
thenceforth. 

King Valoroso also sent Sir Tomaso his Order of the 
Cucumber, besides a handsome order for money, for he 
painted the King, Queen, and principal nobility while at 
Blombodinga, and became all the fashion, to the perfect 
rage of all the artists in Paflagonia, where the King used 
to point to the portrait of Prince Bulbo, which Sir To- 
maso had left behind him, and say: “ Which among you 
can paint a picture like that ? ” 

It hung in the royal parlor over the royal sideboard, 
and Princess Angelica could always look at it as she sat 
making the tea. Each day it seemed to grow hand- 
somer and handsomer, and the Princess grew so fond 
of looking at it, that she would often spill the tea over 
the cloth, at which her father and mother would wink 
and wag their heads, and say to each other : “ Aha ! we 
see how things are going.” 

In the meanwhile poor Giglio lay upstairs very sick 


Love to Flirt besides Princesses. 37 

in his chamber, though he took all the doctor’s horrible 
medicines like a good young lad ; as I hope you do, my 
dears, when you are ill and mamma sends for the medi- 
cal man. And the only person who visited Giglio (be- 
sides his friend, the captain of the guard, who was almost 
always busy or on parade) was little Betsinda, the house- 
maid, who used to do his bedroom and sitting-room out, 
bring him his gruel, and warm his bed. 

When the little housemaid came to him in the morn- 
ing and evening, Prince Giglio used to say : “ Betsinda ! 
Betsinda ! how is the Princess Angelica ? ” 

And Betsinda used to answer : “ The Princess is very 
well, thank you, my Lord.” And Giglio would heave a 
sigh, and think : If Angelica were sick I am sure / should 
not be very well. 

Then Giglio would say : “ Betsinda, has the Princess 
Angelica asked for me to-day ? ” And Betsinda would 
answer : “No, my Lord, not to-day ; ” or, “ She was very 
busy practising the piano when I saw her;” or, “She 
was writing invitations for an evening party, and did 
not speak to me ; ” or make some excuse or other not 
strictly consonant with truth ; for Betsinda was such a 
good-natured creature, that she strove to do everything 
to prevent annoyance to Prince Giglio, and even brought 
him up roast chicken and jellies from the kitchen (when 
the doctor allowed them, and Giglio was getting better), 
saying “ that the Princess had made the jelly, or the 
bread-sauce, with her own hands, on purpose for Giglio.” 

When Giglio heard of this he took heart and began 
to mend immediately ; and gobbled up all the jelly, and 
picked the last bone of the chicken — drumsticks, merry- 
thought, sides’-bones, back, pope’s-nose, and all — thank- 
ing his dear Angelica ; and he felt so much better the 
next day, that he dressed and went downstairs, where, 
whom should he meet but Angelica going into the draw- 
ing-room. All the covers were off the chairs, the chan- 
deliers taken out of the bags, the damask curtains 
uncovered, the work and things carried away, and the 
handsomest albums on the tables. Angelica had her 


38 Other Folks, as Well as They, 

hair in papers : in a word, it was evident there was 
going to be a party. 

“ Heavens, Giglio! ” cries Angelica; “you here in such 
a dress ! What a figure you are ! ” 

“Yes, dear Angelica, I am come downstairs, and feel 
so well to-day, thanks to the fowl and the jelly.” 

“ What do I know about fowls and jellies, that you 
allude to them in that rude way ? ” says Angelica. 

“Why, didn’t — didn’t you send them, Angelica 
dear?” says Giglio. 

“I send them indeed! Angelica dear! No, Giglio 
dear,” says she, mocking him, “ I was engaged in get- 
ting the rooms ready for his Royal Highness the Prince 
of Crim Tartary, who is coming to pay my papa’s Court 
a visit.” 

“ The — Prince — of — Crim — Tartary ! ” Giglio said, 
aghast. 

“Yes, the Prince of Crim Tartary,” says Angelica, 
mocking him. “ I dare say you never heard of such a 
country. What did you ever hear of ? You don’t know 
whether Crim Tartary is on the Red Sea or on the Black 
Sea, I dare say.” 

“Yes, I do; it’s on the Red Sea,” says Giglio; at 
which the Princess burst out laughing at him, and said : 
“Oh, you ninny! You are so ignorant, you are really 
not fit for society ! You know nothing but about horses 
and dogs; and are only fit to dine with my Royal Father’s 
heaviest dragoons. Don’t look so surprised at me, sir ; 
go and put your best clothes on to receive the Prince, 
and let me get the drawing-room ready.” 

Giglio said : “ O Angelica, Angelica, I didn’t think 
this of you. This wasn’t your language to me when you 
gave me this ring, and I gave you mine in the garden, 
and you gave me that k — ” 

But what k was we never shall know, for Angelica, 
in a rage, cried : “ Get out, you saucy, rude creature ! 
How dare you remind me of your rudeness ? As for 
your little trumpery twopenny ring, there, sir, there ! ” 
And she flung it out of the window. 


39 


Blindly Fling Good Luck Away. 

“ It was my mother’s marriage ring,” cried Giglio. 

“/ don’t care whose marriage ring it was,” cries 
Angelica. “ Marry the person who picks it up if she’s 
a woman, you shan’t marry me. And give me back my 
ring. I’ve no patience with people who boast about the 
things they give away ! I know who’ll give me much 
finer things than you ever gave me. A beggarly ring 
indeed, not worth five shillings ! ” 

Now Angelica little knew that the ring which Giglio 
had given her was a fairy ring : if a man wore it, it 
made all the women in love with him ; if a woman, all 
the gentlemen. The Queen, Giglio’s mother, quite an 
ordinary-looking person, was admired immensely while 
she wore this ring, and her husband was frantic when 
she was ill. But when she called her little Giglio to her, 
and put the ring on his finger, King Savio did not seem 
to care for his wife so much any more, but transferred 
all his love to little Giglio. So did everybody love him 
as long as he had the ring, but when, as quite a child, he 
gave it to Angelica, people began to love and admire 
her ; and Giglio, as the saying is, played only second 
fiddle. 

“Yes,” says Angelica, going on in her foolish, un- 
grateful way, “ I know who’ll give me much finer things 
than your beggarly little pearl nonsense.” 

“Very good, miss! You may take back your ring, 
too ! ” says Giglio, his eyes flashing fire at her, and then, 
as if his eyes had been suddenly opened, he cried out : 
“ Ha, what does this mean ? Is this the woman I have 
been in love with all my life? Have I been such a 
ninny as to throw away my regard upon you ? Why — 
actually — yes — you are a little crooked ! ” 

“ Oh, you wretch ! ” cries Angelica. 

“ And, upon my conscience, you — you squint a 
little.” 

“ E ! ” cries Angelica. 

“And your hair is red — and you are marked with 
small-pox — and what? you have three false teeth — 
and one leg shorter than the other ! ” 


40 Flourish Trumpets, Rattle Drums, 

“You brute, you brute, you !” Angelica screamed 
out ; and as she seized the ring with one hand, she 
dealt Giglio one, two, three, smacks on the face, and 
would have pulled the hair off his head had he not 
started laughing, and crying : 

“ O dear me, Angelica, don’t pull out my hair, it 
hurts ! You might remove a great deal of your own , as 
I perceive, without scissors or pulling at all. O, ho, 
ho ! ha, ha, ha ! he, he, he ! ” 

And he nearly choked himself with laughing, and she 
with rage, when, with a low bow, and dressed in his 
Court habit, Count Gambabella, the first lord-in-waiting, 
entered and said : “ Royal Highnesses ! Their Majes- 
ties expect you in the Pink Throne-room, where they 
await the arrival of the Prince of Crim Tartary.” 



Royal Bulbo this way Comes. 


4i 


CHAPTER VIII. 

HOW GRUFFANUFF PICKED THE FAIRY RING UP, AND 
PRINCE BULBO CAME TO COURT. 

Prince Bulbo’s arrival had set all the Court in a 
flutter : everybody was ordered to put his or her best 
clothes on : the footmen had their gala-liveries ; the Lord 
Chancellor his new wig; the Guards their last new 
tunics ; and Countess Gruffanuff you may be sure was 
glad of an opportunity of decorating her old person 
with her finest things. She was walking through the 
court of the Palace on her way to wait upon their 
Majesties, when she spied something glittering on the 
pavement, and bade the boy in buttons who was hold- 
ing up her train, to go and pick up the article shining 
yonder. He was an ugly little wretch, in some of the 
late groom-porter’s old clothes cut down, and much too 
tight for him ; and yet, when he had taken up the ring 
(as it turned out to be), and was carrying it to his mis- 
tress, she thought he looked like a little cupid. He 
gave the ring to her ; it was a. trumpery little thing 
enough, but too small for any of her old knuckles, so 
she put it into her pocket. 

“ O mum ! ” says the boy, looking at her, “ how, how 
beyoutiful you do look, mum, to-day, mum ! ” 

“And you, too, Jacky,” she was going to say; but, 
— no, he was no longer good-looking at all — but only 
the carroty-haired little Jacky of the morning. How- 
ever, praise is welcome from the ugliest of men or boys, 


42 Friend, if We were Princes Too, 

and Gruffanuff, bidding the boy hold up her train, walked 
on in high good-humor. The Guards saluted her with 
peculiar respect. Captain Hedzoff, in the anteroom, 
said : “ My dear madam, you look like an angel to-day.” 
And so, bowing and smirking, Gruffanuff went in and 



took her place behind her Royal Master and Mistress, 
who were in the throne-room awaiting the Prince of 
Crim Tartary. Princess Angelica sat at their feet, and 
behind the King’s chair stood Prince Giglio, looking 
very savage. 







His R. H. the Prince of Crim Tartary. 




Drums Would Beat for Me and You. 


43 


The Prince of Crim Tartary made his appearance, 
attended by Baron Sleibootz, his chamberlain, and fol- 
lowed by a black page, carrying the most beautiful 
crown you ever saw ! He was dressed in his travelling 
costume, and his hair, as you see, was a little in disorder. 
“ I have ridden three hundred miles since breakfast,” 
said he, “so eager was I to behold the Prin — the 
Court and august family of Paflagonia, and I could not 
wait one minute before appearing in your Majesties’ 
presences.” 

Giglio, from behind the throne, burst out into a roar 
of contemptuous laughter; but all the Royal party, in 
fact, were so flurried, that they did not hear this little 
outbreak. “ Your R. H. is welcome in any dress,” says 
the King. “ Glumboso, a chair for his Royal Highness.” 

“ Any dress his Royal Highness wears, is a Court 
dress,” says Princess Angelica, smiling graciously. 

“ Ah ! but you should see my other clothes,” said the 
Prince. “ I should have had them on, but that stupid 
carrier has not brought them. Who’s that laughing ? ” 

It was Giglio laughing. “ I was laughing,” he said, 
“ because you said just now that you were in such a 
hurry to see the Princess, that you could not wait to 
change your dress ; and now you say you come in those 
clothes because you have no others.” 

“ And who are you ? ” says Prince Bulbo, very fiercely. 

“ My father was King of this country, and I am his 
only son, Prince ! ” replies Giglio, with equal haughtiness. 

“Ha!” said the King and Glumboso, looking very 
flurried ; but the former, collecting himself, said : “ Dear 
Prince Bulbo, I forgot to introduce to your Royal High- 
ness my dear nephew, his Royal Highness Prince Gig- 
lio ! Know each other ! Embrace each other ! Giglio, 
give his Royal Highness your hand ! ” and Giglio, 
giving his hand, squeezed poor Bulbo’s until the tears 
ran out of his eyes. Glumboso now brought a chair for 
the royal visitor, and placed it on the platform on which 
the King, Queen, and Prince were seated ; but the 
chair was on the edge of the platform, and as Bulbo 


44 Giglio, Jealous of the Crim 

sat down, it toppled over, and he with it, rolling over 
and over, and bellowing like a bull. Giglio roared still 
louder at this disaster, but it was with laughter : so did 
all the Court when Prince Bulbo got up, for though 
when he entered the room he appeared not very ridicu- 
lous, as he stood up from his fall for a moment, he 
looked so exceedingly plain and foolish, that nobody 
could help laughing at him. When he had entered the 
room, he was observed to carry a rose in his hand, which 
fell out as he tumbled. 

“ My rose ! my rose ! ” cried Bulbo, and his chamber- 
lain dashed forwards and picked it up, and gave it to 
the Prince, who put it in his waistcoat. Then people 
wondered why they had laughed, there was nothing 
particularly ridiculous in him. He was rather short, 
rather stout, rather red-haired, but in fine for a prince 
not so bad. 

So they sat and talked, the royal personages together, 
the Crim Tartar officers with those of Paflagonia — Gig- 
lio very comfortable with Gruffanuff behind the throne. 
He looked at her with such tender eyes, that her heart 
was all in a flutter. “ Oh, dear Prince,” she said, “how 
could you speak so haughtily in presence of their Majes- 
ties ? I protest I thought I should have fainted.” 

“ I should have caught you in my arms,” said Giglio, 
looking raptures. 

“ Why were you so cruel to Prince Bulbo, dear Prince ? ” 
says Gruff. 

“ Because I hate him,” says Gil. 

“You are jealous of him, and still love poor Angelica,” 
cries Gruffanuff, putting her handkerchief to her 
eyes. 

“ I did, but I love her no more ! ” Giglio cried. “ I 
despise her ! Were she heiress to twenty thousand 
thrones, I would despise her and scorn her. But why 
speak of thrones ? I have lost mine. I am too weak 
to recover it — I am alone, and have no friend.” 

“ Oh, say not so, dear Prince,” says Gruffanuff. 

“ Besides,” says he, “ I am so happy here behind the 


Tartar Prince and Laughs at Him. 45 

throne that I would not change my place, no, not for 
the throne of the world ! ” 

“ What are you two people chattering about there ? ” 
says the Queen, who was rather good-natured, though 
not overburthened with wisdom. “ It is time to dress 
for dinner. Giglio, show Prince Bulbo to his room. 
Prince, if your clothes have not come, we shall be very 
happy to see you as you are.” But when Prince Bulbo 



got to his bedroom, his luggage was there and unpacked ; 
and the hairdresser coming in, cut and curled him en- 
tirely to his own satisfaction ; and when the dinner-bell 
rang, the royal company had not to wait above five-and- 
twenty minutes until Bulbo appeared, during which time 
the King, who could not bear to wait, grew as sulky 
as possible. As for Giglio, he never left Madam Gruff- 
anuff all this time, but stood with her in the embrasure 
of a window paying her compliments. At length the 


4 6 Here’s a Pretty Figure for Laughter! 

Groom of the Chambers announced his Royal Highness 
the Prince of Crim Tartary ! and the noble company 
went into the royal dining room. It was quite a small 
party: only the King and Queen, the Princess, whom 



Bulbo took out, the two Princes, Countess Gruffanuff, 
Glumboso the Prime Minister, and Prince Bulbo’s cham- 
berlain. You may be sure they had a very good dinner 
— let every boy and girl think of what he or she likes 
best and fancy it on the table . 1 

1 Here a very pretty game may be played by all the children saying 
what they like best for dinner. 


How they Dined and Quarrelled after. 47 

The Princess talked incessantly all dinner-time to the 
Prince of Crimea, who ate an immense deal too much, 
and never took his eyes off his plate, except when Giglio, 
who was carving a goose, sent a quantity of stuffing 
and onion sauce into one of them. Giglio only burst 
out a-laughing as the Crimean Prince wiped his shirt- 
front and face with his scented pocket-handkerchief. 
He did not make Prince Bulbo any apology. When 
the Prince looked at him, Giglio would not look that 
way. When Prince Bulbo said : “ Prince Giglio, may I 
have the honor of taking a glass of wine with you ? ” 
Giglio ivouldn't answer. All his talk and his eyes were 
for Countess Gruffanuff, who you may be sure was 
pleased with Giglio’s attentions, the vain old creature ! 
When he was not complimenting her, he was making 
fun of Prince Bulbo, so loud that Gruffanuff was always 
tapping him with her fan, and saying: “O you satirical 
Prince ! O fie, the Prince will hear ! ” “ Well, I don’t 

mind,” says Giglio, louder still. The King and Queen 
luckily did not hear; for her Majesty was a little deaf, 
and the King thought so much about his own dinner, 
and, besides, made such a dreadful noise, hobgobbling 
in eating it, that he heard nothing else. After dinner 
his Majesty and the Queen went to sleep in their arm- 
chairs. 

This was the time when Giglio began his tricks with 
Prince Bulbo, plying that young gentleman with port, 
sherry, madeira, champagne, marsala, cherry brandy, 
and pale ale, of all of which Master Bulbo drank with- 
out stint. But in plying his guest, Giglio was obliged 
to drink himself, and, I am sorry to say, took more than 
was good for him, so that the young men were very 
noisy, rude, and foolish when they joined the ladies 
after dinner ; and dearly did they pay for that impru- 
dence, as now, my darlings, you shall hear ! 

Bulbo went and sat by the piano, where Angelica 
was playing and singing, and he sang out of tune, and 
he upset the coffee when the footman brought it, and he 
laughed out of place, and talked absurdly, and fell asleep 


48 Read — and Take a Warning by’t, 

and snored horridly. Booh, the nasty pig ! But as he 
lay there stretched on the pink satin sofa, Angelica still 
persisted in thinking him the most beautiful of human 
beings. No doubt the magic rose which Bulbo wore 
caused this infatuation on Angelica’s part : but is she 
the first young woman who has thought a silly fellow 
charming ? 

Giglio must go and sit by Gruffanuff, whose old face 
he too every moment began to find more lovely. He 
paid the most outrageous compliments to her : There 
never was such a darling — Older than he was ? — 
Fiddle-de-dee! He would marry her — he would have 
nothing but her ! 

To marry the heir to the throne ! Here was a chance ! 
The artful hussy actually got a sheet of paper and wrote 
upon it : “ This is to give notice that I, Giglio, only son 



of Savio, King of Paflagonia, hereby promise to marry 
the charming and virtuous Barbara Griselda, Countess 
Gruffanuff, and widow of the late Jenkins Gruffanuff, 
Esq.” 

“ What is it you are writing ? you charming Gruffy ! ” 
says Giglio, who was lolling on the sofa by the writing- 
table. 

“ Only an order for you to sign, dear Prince, for giv- 
ing coals and blankets to the poor this cold weather. 
Look ! the King and Queen are both asleep, and your 
Royal Highness’ order will do.” 


Have Good Care of what you Write. 49 

So Giglio, who was very good-natured as Gruffy well 
knew, signed the order immediately ; and when she had 
it in her pocket you may fancy what airs she gave her- 
self. She was ready to flounce out of the room before 
the Queen herself, as now she was the wife of the rightful 
King of Paflagonia ! She would not speak to Glumboso, 
whom she thought a brute for depriving her dear hus- 
band of the crown ! And when the candles came, and 
she had helped to undress the Queen and Princess, 
she went into her own room, and actually practised 
on a sheet of paper, “ Griselda Paflagonia,” “ Barbara 
Regina,” “ Griselda Barbara, Paf. Reg.,” and I don’t 
know what signatures besides, against the day when 
she should be Queen, forsooth ! 


Poor Betsinda, much I Fear, 


5 ° 


CHAPTER IX. 

HOW BETSINDA GOT THE WARMING-PAN. 

Little Betsinda came in to put Gruffanuff’s hair in 
paper ; and the Countess was so pleased, that, for a 
wonder, she complimented Betsinda. “ Betsinda ! ” she 
said, “ you dressed my hair very nicely to-day ; I prom- 
ised you a little present. Here are five sh — no, here 
is a pretty little ring, that I picked — that I have had 
some time/’ And she gave Betsinda the ring she had 
picked up in the court. It fitted Betsinda exactly. 

“ It’s like the ring the Princess used to wear,” says 
the maid. 

“ No such thing,” says Gruffanuff, “ I have had it 
ever so long. There — tuck me up quite comfortable; 
and now, as it’s a very cold night (the snow is beating 
in at the window), you may go and warm dear Prince 
Giglio’s bed, like a good girl, and then you may unrip 
my green silk, and then you can just do me up a little 
cap for the morning, and then you can mend that hole 
in my silk stocking, and then you can go to bed, Betsinda. 
Mind, I shall want my cup of tea at five o’clock in the 
morning.” 

“ I suppose I had best warm both the young gentle- 
men’s beds, ma’am,” says Betsinda. 

Gruffanuff, for reply, said, “ Hau-au-ho ? — Grau-haw- 
hoo ! — Hoong-hrho ! ” In fact, she was snoring sound 
asleep. 

Her room, you know, is next to the King and Queen, 
and the Princess is next to them. So pretty Betsinda 
went away for the coals to the kitchen, and filled the 
royal warming-pan. 


Grief’s in Store for You, my Dear! 51 

Now, she was a very kind, merry, civil, pretty girl; 
but there must have been something very captivating 
about her this evening, for all the women in the 
servants’ hall began to scold and abuse her. The 
housekeeper said she was a pert, stuck-up thing ; the 
upper-housemaid asked, how dare she wear such ringlets 
and ribbons, it was quite improper! The cook (for 
there was a woman-cook as well as a man-cook) said to 
the kitchen maid that she never could see anything in 
that creetur; but as for the men, every one of them, 
coachman John, Buttons the page, and Monsieur the 
Prince of Crim Tartary’s valet, started up, and said : — 

“ My eyes ! ” } 

ii O mussy t ” I 

“ O jemman ! ” | What a P ret ty girl Betsinda is ! : 

“ O ciel ! ” J 

“ Hands off ; none of your impertinence, you vulgar, 
low people ! ” says Betsinda, walking off with her pan 
of coals. She heard the young gentlemen playing at 
billiards as she went up stairs : first to Prince Giglio’s 
bed, which she warmed, and then to Prince Bulbo’s room. 

He came in just as she had done; and as soon as he 
saw her, “ O ! O ! O ! O ! O ! O ! what a beyou — 00 

— ootiful creature you are. You angel — you peri 

— you rose-bud, let me be thy bulbul — thy Bulbo, 
too ! Fly to the desert, fly with me ! I never saw 
a young gazelle to glad me with its dark blue eye 
that had eyes like thine. Thou nymph of beauty, take, 
take this young heart. A truer never did itself sustain 
within a soldier’s waistcoat. Be mine ! Be mine ! 
Be Princess of Crim Tartary ! My Royal father will 
approve our union ; and, as for that little carroty-haired 
Angelica, I do not care a fig for her any more.” 

“ Go away, your Royal Highness, and go to bed, 
please,” said Betsinda, with the warming-pan. 

But Bulbo said : “No, never, till thou swearest to be 
mine, thou lovely, blushing, chambermaid divine! Here, 
at thy feet, the Royal Bulbo lies, the trembling captive 
of Betsinda’s eyes.” 


52 Jealousy, in some Men’s Souls, 

And he went on making himself so absurd and ridicu- 
lous , that Betsinda, who was full of fun, gave him a 
touch with the warming-pan, which, I promise you, 
made him cry “O-o-o-o!” in a very different manner. 

Prince Bulbo made such a noise that Prince Giglio, 
who heard him from the next room, came in to see what 
was the matter. As soon as he saw what was taking 



place, Giglio, in a fury, rushed on Bulbo, kicked him 
in the rudest manner up to the ceiling, and went on 
kicking him till his hair was quite out of curl. 

Poor Betsinda did not know whether to laugh or to cry ; 
the kicking certainly must hurt the Prince, but then he 
looked so droll ! When Giglio had done knocking him 
up and down to the ground, and whilst he went into a 
corner rubbing himself, what do you think Giglio does ? 


























































































































































% 




































' 

















The Rivals. 


« 



Warmer Burns than Pans of Coals. 53 

He goes down on his knees to Betsinda, takes her hand, 
begs her to accept his heart, and offers to marry her 
that moment. Fancy Betsinda’s condition, who had 
been in love with the Prince ever since she first saw 
him in the Palace garden, when she was quite a little 
child. 

“Oh, divine Betsinda!” says the Prince, “how have 
I lived fifteen years in thy company without seeing thy 
perfections ? What woman in all Europe, Asia, Africa, 
and America, nay, in Australia, only it is not yet dis- 
covered, can presume to be thy equal ? Angelica ? Pish ! 
Gruffanuff? Phoo ! The Queen? Ha, ha! Thou 
art my Queen. Thou art the real Angelica because thou 
art really angelic.” 

“Oh, Prince! I am but a poor chambermaid,” says 
Betsinda, looking, however, very much pleased. 

“ Didst thou not tend me in my sickness, when all 
forsook me ? ” continues Giglio. “ Did not thy gentle 
hand smooth my pillow, and bring me jelly and roast 
chicken ? ’ 

“Yes, dear Prince, I did,” says Betsinda, “and I 
sewed your Royal Highness’ shirt-buttons on too, if you 
please, your Royal Highness,” cries this artless maiden. 

When poor Bulbo, who was now madly in love with 
Betsinda, heard this declaration, when he saw the un- 
mistakable glances which she flung upon Giglio, Bulbo 
began to cry bitterly, and tore quantities of hair out of 
his head, till it all covered the room like so much tow. 

Betsinda had left the warming-pan on the floor while 
the Princes were going on with their conversation, and 
as they began now to quarrel and be very fierce with 
one another, she thought proper to run away. 

“ You great big blubbering booby, tearing your hair 
in the corner there ; of course you will give me satisfac- 
tion for insulting Betsinda. You dare to kneel down at 
Princess Giglio’s knees and kiss her hand ! ” 

“ She’s not Princess Giglio ! ” roars out Bulbo. “ She 
shall be Princess Bulbo, and no other shall be Princess 
Bulbo.” 


54 Even Though you Wear a Crown, 

“You are engaged to my cousin ! ” bellows Giglio. 

“I hate your cousin,” says Bulbo.. 

“You shall give me satisfaction for insulting her!” 
cries Giglio in a fury. 

“ I’ll have your life.” 

“ I’ll run you through.” 

“ I’ll cut your throat.” 

“ I’ll blow your brains out.” 

“ I’ll knock your head off.” 

“ I’ll send a friend to you in the morning.” 

“ I’ll send a bullet into you in the afternoon.” 

“We’ll meet again,” says Giglio, shaking his fist in 
Bulbo’s face ; and seizing up the warming-pan, he kissed 
it because, forsooth, Betsinda had carried it, and rushed 
down stairs. What should he see on the landing but his 
Majesty talking to Betsinda, whom he called by all sorts 



of fond names. His Majesty had heard a row in the 
building, so he stated, and smelling something burning 
had come out to see what the matter was. 

“It’s the young gentlemen smoking, perhaps, sir,” 
says Betsinda. 

“ Charming chambermaid,” says the King (like all the 


Burning Love will Knock you Down. 55 

rest of them), “never mind the young men ! Turn thy 
eyes on a middle-aged autocrat, who has been considered 
not ill-looking in his time.” 

“ Oh, sir ! what what will her Majesty say ? ” cries 
Betsinda. 

“ Her Majesty ! ” laughs the monarch. “ Her Majesty 
be hanged. Am I not Autocrat of Paflagonia? Have I 
not blocks, ropes, axes, hangmen — ha? Runs not a 
river by my palace wall ? Have I not sacks to sew up 
wives withal ? Say but the word, that thou wilt be mine 
own, — your mistress straightway in a sack is sewn, and 
thou the sharer of my heart and throne.” 

When Giglio heard these atrocious sentiments, he for- 
got the respect usually paid to Royalty, lifted, up the 
warming-pan and knocked down the King as flat as a 
pancake ; after which, Master Giglio took to his heels 
and ran away, and Betsinda went off screaming, and 
the Queen, the Princess, and Gruffanuff all came out 
of their rooms. Fancy their feelings on beholding 
their husband, father, sovereign, in this posture ! 


5 ^ 


See the Monarch in a Huff, 


CHAPTER X. 

HOW KING VALOROSO WAS IN A DREADFUL PASSION. 

As soon as the coals began to burn him, the King 
came to himself and stood up. “ Ho ! my captain of 
the guards ! ” his Majesty exclaimed, stamping his 
royal feet with rage. O piteous spectacle ! the King’s 



nose was bent quite crooked by the blow of Prince 
Giglio. His Majesty ground his teeth with rage. 
“ Hedzoff,” he said, taking a death warrant out of his 
dressing-gown pocket, “Hedzoff, good Hedzoff, seize 


57 


Look at Lovely Gruffanuff! 

upon the Prince. Thou’lt find him in his chamber two 
pair up. But now he dared, with sacrilegious hand, to 
strike the sacred night-cap of a king — Hedzoff, and 
floor me with a warming-pan ! Away, no more demur, 
the villain dies ! See it be done, or else, — h’m ! — ha ! 
— h’m ! mind thine own eyes ! ” and followed by the 
ladies, and lifting up the tails of his dressing-gown, the 
King entered his own apartment. 

Captain Hedzoff was very much affected, having a 
sincere love for Giglio. “ Poor, poor Giglio ! ” he said, 
the tears rolling over his manly face, and dripping down 



his moustachios; “my noble young prince, is it my hand 
must lead thee to death ? ” 

“Lead him to fiddlestick, Hedzoff,” said a female 
voice. It was Gruffanuff, who had come out in her 
dressing-gown when she heard the noise. “ The King 


58 Critics Serve us Authors thus: 

said you were to hang the Prince. Well, hang the 
Prince.” 

“ I don’t understand you,” says Hedzoff, who was not 
a very clever man. 

“You Gaby! he didn’t say which Prince,” says 
Gruffanuff. 

“No; he didn’t say which, certainly,” said Hedzoff. 

“ Well, then, take Bulbo, and hang him ! ” 

When Captain Hedzoff heard this he began to dance 
about for joy. “Obedience is a soldier’s honor,” says 
he. “ Prince Bulbo’s head will do capitally,” and he 
went to arrest the Prince the very first thing next 
morning. 

He knocked at the door. “ Who’s there ? ” says Bulbo. 
“Captain Hedzoff? Step in, pray, my good Captain. 
I’m delighted to see you. I have been expecting you.” 

“ Have you ? ” says Hedzoff. 

“ Sleibootz, my Chamberlain, will act for me,” says 
the Prince. 

“ I beg your Royal Highness’ pardon, but you will 
have to act for yourself, and it’s a pity to wake Baron 
Sleibootz.” 

The Prince Bulbo still seemed to take the matter very 
coolly. “ Of course, Captain,” says he, “ you are come 
about that affair with Prince Giglio.” 

“Precisely,” says Hedzoff, “that affair of Prince 
Giglio.” 

“Is it to be pistols or swords, Captain ? ” asks Bulbo. 
“ I’m a pretty good hand with both, and I’ll do for 
Prince Giglio as sure as my name is my Royal Highness 
Prince Bulbo.” 

“There’s some mistake, my Lord,” says the Captain. 
“ The business is done with axes among us.” 

“ Axes ? That’s sharp work,” says Bulbo. “ Call 
my Chamberlain; he’ll be my second, and in ten 
minutes I flatter myself you’ll see Master Giglio’s head 
off his impertinent shoulders. I’m hungry for his 
blood! H 00-00, aw!” and he looked as savage as an 
ogre. 


Sport to Them is Death to Us. 59 

“ 1 beg your pardon, sir, but by this warrant I am to 
take you prisoner, and hand you over to — to the 
executioner.” 

“ Pooh, pooh, my good man ! — Stop, I say — ho ! — 



hulloa ! ” was all that this luckless prince was enabled 
to say, for Hedzoff’s Guards seizing him, tied a hand- 
kerchief over his mouth and face, and carried him to 
the place of execution. 

The King, who happened to be talking to Glumboso, 
saw him pass, and took a pinch of snuff, and said : 
“ So much for Giglio. Now let’s go to breakfast.” 


60 Leaving Bulbo in this Fix, 

The Captain of the Guard handed over his prisoner 
to the Sheriff, with the fatal order : 

“At sight cut off the bearer’s head. 

“Valoroso XXIV.” 

“ It’s a mistake,” said Bulbo, who did not seem to 
understand the business in the least. 

“ Poo — poo — pooh,” says the Sheriff. “ Fetch Jack 
Ketch instantly. Jack Ketch ! ” 

And poor Bulbo was led to the scaffold, where an 
executioner with a block and a tremendous axe was 
always ready in case he should be wanted. 

But we must now revert to Giglio and Betsinda. 


We Return to Gruffy’s Tricks. 


6 1 


CHAPTER XI. 

WHAT GRUFFANUFF DID TO GIGLIO AND BETSINDA. 

Gruffanuff, who had seen what had happened with 
the King, and knew that Giglio must come to grief, got 
up very early the next morning, and went to devise 
some plans for rescuing her darling husband, as the 
silly old thing insisted on calling him. She found him 
walking up and down the garden, thinking of a rhyme 
for Betsinda ( tinder and winda were all he could find), 
and indeed having forgotten all about the past evening, 
except that Betsinda was the most lovely of beings. 

“Well, dear Giglio,” says Gruff. 

“Well, dear Gruffy,” says Giglio, only he was quite 
satirical. 

“ I have been thinking, darling, what you must do in 
this scrape. You must fly the country for a while.” 

“What scrape? — fly the country? Never without 
her I love, Countess,” says Giglio. 

“ No, she will accompany you, dear Prince,” she says, 
in her most coaxing accents. “ First we must get the 
jewels belonging to our royal parents, and those of her 
and his present Majesty. Here is the key, duck ; they 
are all yours you know by right, for you are the rightful 
King of Paflagonia, and your wife will be the rightful 
Queen.” 

“ Will she ? ” says Giglio. 

“Yes; and having got the jewels, go to Glumboso’s 
apartment, where, under his bed, you will find sacks con- 
taining money to the amount of ^217,000,000,987,439 
13^. 6 \d. y all belonging to you, for he took it out of your 


62 


She has Giglio’s Plighted Troth, 

royal father’s room on the day of his death. With this 
we will fly.” 

“ We will fly ? ” says Giglio. 

“Yes, you and your bride — your affianced love — 
your Gruff y ! ” says the Countess, with a languishing 
leer. 

“ YoUy my bride!” says Giglio. “You, you hideous 
old woman ! ” 

“ O you, you wretch ! didn’t you give me this paper 
promising marriage?” cries Gruff. 



“ Get away, you old goose ! I love Betsinda, and Bet- 
sinda only ! ” And in a fit of terror he ran from her 
as quickly as he could. 

“ He ! he ! he ! ” shrieks out Gruff, “ a promise is a 
promise, if there are laws in Paflagonia ! And as for that 
monster, that wretch, that fiend, that ugly little vixen — 
as for that upstart, that ingrate, that beast, Betsinda, 


Prince and Maid, she Hates them Both. 63 

Master Giglio will have no little difficulty in discovering 
her whereabouts. He may look very long before find- 
ing her , I warrant. He little knows that Miss Betsinda 
is — ” 


Is — what? Now, you shall hear. Poor Betsinda 
got up at five in winter’s morning to bring her cruel 
mistress her tea ; and instead of finding her in a good 
humor, found Gruffy as cross as two sticks. The Count- 
ess boxed Betsinda’s ears half a dozen times whilst she 
was dressing ; but as poor little Betsinda was used to 
this kind of treatment, she did not feel any special 
alarm. “And now,” says she, “when her Majesty 
rings her bell twice, I’ll trouble you, miss, to attend.” 

So when the Queen’s bell rang twice, Betsinda came 
to her Majesty and made a pretty little curtsey. The 
Queen, the Princess, and Gruffanuff were all three in 
the room. As soon as they saw her they began. 

“ You wretch ! ” says the Queen. 

“ You little vulgar thing ! ” says the Princess. 

“ You beast ! ” says Gruffanuff. 

“ Get out of my sight ! ” says the Queen. 

“ Go away with you, do ! ” says the Princess. 

“ Quit the premises ! ” says Gruffanuff. 

Alas ! and woe is me ! very lamentable events had 
occurred to Betsinda that morning, and all in conse- 
quence of that fatal warming-pan business of the previ- 
ous night. The King had offered to marry her; of 
course her Majesty the Queen was jealous : Bulbo had 
fallen in love with her ; of course Angelica was furious : 
Giglio was in love with her, and O what a fury Gruffy 
was in ! 


I gave you, 
all at once. 


they said, 


f cap 

“Take off that^ petticoat 
[ gown 

and began tearing the clothes off poor Betsinda. 

the King ? ” ] cried the Queen 

Prince Bulbo ? " 

Prince Giglio? 


“How 
you flirt 


dare 

with 




the Princess, 
and Countess. 


6 \ See how Woman’s Anger Flies out, 

“ Give her the rags she wore when she came into the 
house, and turn her out of it ! ” cries the Queen. 

“ Mind she does not go with my shoes on, which I 
lent her so kindly,” says the Princess ; and indeed the 
Princess’ shoes were a great deal too big for Betsinda. 



“ Come with me, you filthy huzzy ! ” and taking up 
the Queen’s poker, the cruel Gruffanuff drove Betsinda 
into her room. 

The Countess went to the glass box in which she had 



Sure they’ll Tear Betsinda’s Eyes Out! 65 

kept Betsinda’s old cloak and shoe this ever so long, 
and said : “ Take those rags, you little beggar creature, 
and strip off everything belonging to honest people, and 
go about your business ; ” and she actually tore off the 
poor little delicate thing’s back almost all her things, 
and told her to be off out of the house. 

Poor Betsinda huddled the cloak round her back, 
on which were embroidered the letters prin . . . rosal 
. . . and then came a great rent. 

As for the shoe, what was she to do with one poor 
little tootsey sandal ? the string was still to it, so she 
hung it round her neck. 

“ Won’t you give me a pair of shoes to go out in the 
snow, mum, if you please, mum ! ” cried the poor child. 

“No, you wicked beast!” says Gruff anuff, driving 
her along with the poker — driving her down the cold 
stairs — driving her through the cold hall — flinging her 
out into the cold street, so that the knocker itself shed 
tears to see her ! 

But a kind fairy made the soft snow warm for her 
little feet, and she wrapped herself up in the ermine of 
her mantle and was gone. 

“And now let us think about breakfast,” says the 
greedy Queen. 

“ What dress shall I put on, mamma ? the pink or 
the pea-green,” says Angelica. “ Which do you think 
the dear Prince will like best ? ” 

“ Mrs. V. ! ” sings out the King from his dressing- 
room, “ let us have sausages for breakfast ! Remem- 
ber we have Prince Bulbo staying with us ! ” 

And they all went to get ready. 

Nine o’clock came, and they were all in the breakfast- 
room, and no Prince Bulbo as yet. The urn was hiss- 
ing and humming ; the muffins were smoking — such a 
heap of muffins ! the eggs were done, there was a pot 
of raspberry jam, and coffee, and a beautiful chicken 
and tongue on the side table. Marmitonio the cook 
brought in the sausages. O how nice they smelt ! 


66 While the Rope’s Round Bulbo’s Neck Fast, 

“Where is Bulbo?” said the King. “John, where is 
his Royal Highness ? ” 

John said he had a took hup his Roilighnessesses 
shaving-water, and his clothes and things, and he wasn’t 
in his room, which he sposed his Royaliness was just 
stepped hout. 

“ Stepped out before breakfast in the snow ! Impos- 
sible ! ” says the King, sticking his fork into a sausage. 
“ My dear, take one. Angelica, won’t you have a save- 
loy ? ” The Princess took one, being very fond of 
them ; and at this moment Glumboso entered with Cap- 
tain Hedzoff, both looking very much disturbed. “ I 
am afraid your Majesty — ” cries Glumboso. “No 
business before breakfast, Glum ! ” says the King. 
“ Breakfast first, business next. Mrs. V., some more 
sugar ! ” 

“ Sire, I’m afraid if we wait till after breakfast it 
will be too late,” says Glumboso. “He — he — he’ll 
be hanged at half-past nine.” 

“ Don’t talk about hanging and spoil my breakfast, 
you unkind, vulgar man you ! ” cries the Princess. 
“ John, some mustard. Pray, who is to be hanged ? ” 

“ Sire, it is the Prince,” whispers Glumboso to the King. 

“Talk about business after breakfast, I tell you!” 
says his Majesty, quite sulky. 

“ We shall have a war, Sire, depend on it,” says the 
Minister. “His father, King Padella — ” 

“ His father, King who ? ” says the King. “ King 
Padella is not Giglio’s father. My brother, King Savio, 
was Giglio’s father.” 

“ It’s Prince Bulbo they are hanging, Sire, not Prince 
Giglio,” says the Prime Minister. 

“ You told me to hang the Prince, and I took the 
ugly one,” says Hedzoff. “ I didn’t, of course, think 
your Majesty intended to murder your own flesh and 
blood ! ” 

The King for all reply flung the plate of sausages at 


King and Queen Sit Down to Breakfast. 67 

Hedzoff’s head. The Princess cried out Hee-karee- 
karee! and fell down in a fainting fit. 

“ Turn the cock of the urn upon her Royal High- 
ness,” said the King, and the boiling water gradually 
revived her. His Majesty looked at his watch, com- 
pared it by the clock in the parlor, and by that of the 
church in the square opposite ; then he wound it up ; 
then he looked at it* again. “The great question is,” 
says he, “ am I fast or am I slow? If I’m slow, we may 
as well go on with breakfast. If I’m fast, why there is 
just the possibility of saving Prince Bulbo. It’s a doosid 
awkward mistake, and upon my word, Hedzoff, I have 
the greatest mind to have you hanged too.” 

“ Sire, I did but my duty ; a soldier has but his orders. 
I didn’t expect after forty-seven years of faithful service 
that my sovereign would think of putting me to a felon’s 
death ! ” 

“ A hundred thousand plagues upon you ! Can’t you 
see that while you are talking my Bulbo is being hung ! ” 
screamed the Princess. 

“ By Jove ! she’s always right, that girl, and I’m so 
absent,” says the King, looking at his watch again. 
“ Ha ! there go the drums ! What a doosid awkward 
thing though ! ” 

“ O papa, you goose ! Write the reprieve, and let me 
run with it,” cries the Princess — and she got a sheet of 
paper, and pen and ink, and laid them before the King. 

“ Confound it ! Where are my spectacles ! ” the 
monarch exclaimed. “ Angelica ! Go up into my bed- 
room, look under my pillow, not your mamma’s ; there 
you’ll see my keys. Bring them down to me, and — 
Well, well ! what impetuous things these girls are ! ” 
Angelica was gone and had run up panting to the bed- 
room, and found the keys, and was back again before 


68 Here, upon the very Scaffold, 

the King had finished a muffin. “ Now, love,” says he, 
“you must go all the way back for my desk, in which 
my spectacles are. If you would but have heard me 
out ... Be hanged to her ! There she is off again ! 
Angelica! Angelica!” When his Majesty called 
in his loud voice, she knew she must obey, and came 
back. 

“ My dear, when you go out of a room, how often 
have I told you, shut the door. That’s a darling. That’s 
all.” At last the keys and the desk and the spectacles 
were got, and the King mended his pen, and signed his 
name to a reprieve, and Angelica ran with it as swift as 
the wind. “You’d better stay, my love, and finish the 
muffins. There’s no use going. Be sure it’s too late. 
Hand me over that raspberry jam, please,” said the 
monarch. “ Bong ! Bawong ! There goes the half 
hour. I knew it was.” 

Angelica ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. She ran up 
Fore Street, and down High Street, and through the 
Market-place, and down to the left, and over the 
bridge, and up the blind alley, and back again, and 
round by the Castle, and so along by the Haber- 
dasher’s on the right, opposite the lamp-post, and 
round the square, and she came — she came to the 
Execution place , where she saw Bulbo laying his head 
on the block ! ! ! The executioner raised his axe, but 
at that moment the Princess came panting up and cried 
Reprieve. “ Reprieve ! ” screamed the Princess. “ Re- 
prieve ! ” shouted all the people. Up the scaffold stairs 
she sprang, with the agility of a lighter of lamps ; and 
flinging herself in Bulbo’s arms, regardless of all cere- 
mony, she cried out : “ O my Prince ! my lord ! my 
Jove ! my Bulbo ! Thine Angelica has been in time to 
save thy precious existence, sweet rosebud ; to prevent 
thy being nipped in thy young bloom ! Had aught be- 
fallen thee, Angelica too had died, and welcomed death 
that joined her to her Bulbo.” 



































































































































o 










Thank our Stars! Jack Ketch is Baffled. 69 

“ H’m! there’s no accounting for tastes,” said Bulbo, 
looking so very much puzzled and uncomfortable that 
the Princess, in tones of tenderest strain, asked the 
cause of his disquiet. 

“ I tell you what it is, Angelica,” said he, “ since I 
came here yesterday there has been such a row, and 
disturbance, and quarrelling, and fighting, and chopping 
of heads off, and the deuce to pay, that I am inclined to 
go back to Crim Tartary.” 

“ But with me as thy bride, my Bulbo ! Though 
wherever thou art is Crim Tartary to me, my bold, my 
beautiful, my Bulbo ! ” 

“Well, well, I suppose we must be married,” says 
Bulbo. “ Doctor, you came to read the funeral service 
* — read the marriage service, will you. What must be, 
must. That will satisfy Angelica, and then, in the 
name of peace and quietness, do let us go back to 
breakfast.” 

Bulbo had carried a rose in his mouth all the time of 
the dismal ceremony. It was a fairy rose, and he was 
told by his mother, that he ought never to part with it. 
So he had kept it between his teeth, even when he laid 
his poor head upon the block, hoping vaguely that some 
chance would turn up in his favor. As he began to 
speak to Angelica, he forgot about the rose, and of 
course it dropped out of his mouth. The romantic 
Princess instantly stooped and seized it. “ Sweet rose ! **■ 
she exclaimed, “ that bloomed upon my Bulbo’s lip, never, 
never will I part from thee! ” and she placed it in her 
bosom. And you know Bulbo couldn't ask her to give 
the rose back again. And they went to breakfast ; and 
as they walked, it appeared to Bulbo that Angelica be- 
came more exquisitely lovely every moment. 

He was frantic until they were married ; and now, 


70 


Bulbo and his Bride are Married. 


strange to say, it was Angelica who didn’t care about 
him ! He knelt down, he kissed her hand, he prayed 
and begged ; he cried with admiration, while she for her 
part said she really thought they might wait ; it seemed 
to her he was not handsome any more — no, not at all, 
quite the reverse, and not clever, no, very stupid, and 
not well-bred like Giglio ; no, on the contrary, dreadfully 
vul — 

What I cannot say, for King Valorosa roared out 
“ Pooh , stuff ! ” in a terrible voice. “ We will have no 
more of this shilly-shallying ! Call the Archbishop, 
and let the Prince and Princess be married off-hand ! ” 

So married they were, and I am sure for my part I 
trust they will be happy. 


Now, we’re to Betsinda Carried. 


7 1 


CHAPTER XII. 

HOW BETSINDA FLED, AND WHAT BECAME OF HER. 

Betsinda wandered on and on, till she passed through 
the town gates, and so on the great Crim Tartary road, 
the very way on which Giglio, too, was going. “Ah ! ” 
thought she, as the diligence passed her, of which the 
conductor was blowing a delightful tune on his horn, 
“ how I should like to be on that coach ! ” But the 
coach and the jingling horses were very soon gone. 
She little knew who was in it, though very likely she 
was thinking of him all the time. 

Then came an empty cart, returning from market ; 
and the driver being a kind man, and seeing such a very 
pretty girl trudging along the road with bare feet, most 
good-naturedly gave her a seat. He said he lived on the 
confines of the forest, where his old father was a wood- 
man, and, if she liked, he would take her so far on her 
road. All roads were the same to little Betsinda, so 
she very thankfully took this one. 

And the carter put a cloth round her bare feet, and 
gave her some bread and cold bacon, and was very kind 
to her. For all that she was very cold and melancholy. 
When, after travelling on and on, evening came, and 
all the black pines were bending with snow, there, at 
last, was the comfortable light beaming in the wood- 
man’s windows, and so they arrived, and went into his 
cottage. He was an old man, and had a number of 
children, who were just at supper, with nice hot bread 
and milk, when their elder brother arrived with the cart. 


72 


To a Hut she Gains Admission 


And they jumped and clapped their hands ; for they 
were good children, and he had brought them toys from 
the town. And when they saw the pretty stranger they 
ran to her, and brought her to the fire, and rubbed her 
poor little feet, and brought her bread and milk. 

“Look, Father!” they said to the old woodman, 
“ look at this poor girl and see what pretty cold feet she 
has. They are as white as our milk ! And look and 



see what an odd cloak she has, just like the bit of 
velvet that hangs up in our cupboard, and which you 
found that day the little cubs were killed by King 
Padella in the forest ! And look, why bless us all ! she 
has got round her neck just such another little shoe as 
that you brought home, and have shown us so often — 
a little blue velvet shoe ! ” 

“ What,” said the old woodman, “ What is all this 
about a shoe and a cloak ? ” 

And Betsinda explained that she had been left, when 


What a Touching Recognition ! 73 

quite a little child, at the town with this cloak and this 
shoe. And the persons who had taken care of her had 
— had been angry with her for no fault, she hoped of her 
own. And they had sent her away with her old clothes — 
and here, in fact, she was. She remembered having been 
in a forest — and perhaps it was a dream — it was so 
very odd and strange — having lived in a cave with lions 
there ; and, before that, having lived in a very, very 
fine house, as fine as a king’s, in a town. 

When the woodman heard this, he was so astonished, 
it was quite curious to see how astonished he was. He 
went to his cupboard, and took out of a stocking a five- 
shilling piece of King Cavolfiore, and vowed it was 
exactly like the young woman. And then he produced 



the shoe and piece of velvet which he had kept so 
long, and compared them with the things which Bet- 
sinda wore. In Betsinda’s little shoe was written, 
“Hopkins, maker to the Royal Family”; so in the 
other shoe was written, “ Hopkins, maker to the Royal 
Family.” In the inside of Betsinda’s piece of cloak was 
embroidered, “ prin rosal ” ; in the other piece of cloak 
was embroidered, “cess ba No. 246.” So that when 
put together you read, “princess rosalba. No. 246.” 

On seeing this, the dear old woodman fell down on 
his knee, saying : “ O my Princess, O my gracious 
royal lady, O my rightful Queen of Crim Tartary, — I 
hail thee — I acknowledge thee — I do thee homage ! ” 
And in token of his fealty, he rubbed his venerable nose 


74 Champion Bold of Right and Beauty, 

three times on the ground, and put the Princess’ foot on 
his head. 

“ Why,” said she, “ my good woodman, you must be a 
nobleman of my father’s court!” For in her lowly 
retreat, and under the name of Betsinda, her Majesty, 
Rosalba, Queen of Crim Tartary, had read of the cus- 
toms of all foreign courts and nations. 

“Marry, indeed, am I, my gracious liege — the poor 
Lord Spinachi, once — the humble woodman these fif- 
teen years syne. Ever since the tyrant, Padella (may 
ruin overtake the treacherous knave!), dismissed me 
from my post of First Lord.” 

“ First Lord of the Toothpick and Joint Keeper of 
the Snuff-box ? I mind me ! Thou heldest these posts 
under our royal Sire. They are restored to thee, Lord 
Spinachi ! I make thee knight of the second class of 
our Order of the Pumpkin (the first class being reserved 
for crowned heads alone). Rise Marquis of Spinachi ! ” 
And with indescribable majesty, the Queen, who had 
no sword handy, waved the pewter spoon with which 
she had been taking her bread-and-milk, over the bald 
head of the old nobleman, whose tears absolutely made 
a puddle on the ground, and whose dear children went 
to bed that night Lords and Ladies Bartolomeo, Ubaldo, 
Catarina, and Ottavia degli Spinachi ! 

The acquaintance her Majesty showed with the 
history, and noble families of her empire, was wonderful. 
“The House of Broccoli should remain faithful to us,” 
she said ; “ they were ever welcome at our Court. Have 
the Articiocchi, as was their wont, turned to the Rising 
Sun ? The family of Sauerkraut must sure be with us 
— they were ever welcome in the halls of King Cavol- 
fiore.” And so she went on enumerating quite a list of 
the nobility and gentry of Crim Tartary, so admirably 
had her Majesty profited by her studies while in exile. 

The old Marquis of Spinachi said he could answer 
for them all ; that the whole country groaned under 
Padella’s tyranny, and longed to return to its rightful 
sovereign ; and late as it was, he sent his children who 


To Rosalba Pay your Duty. 75 

knew the forest well, to summon this nobleman and 
that ; and when his eldest son, who had been rubbing 
the horse down and giving him his supper, came into 
the house for his own, the Marquis told him to put his 
boots on, and a saddle on the mare, and ride hither and 
thither to such and such people. 

When the young man heard who his companion in 
the cart had been, he too knelt down and put her royal 
foot on his head ; he too bedewed the ground with his 



tears ; he was frantically in love with her as everybody 
now was who saw her ; so were the young Lords Bar- 
tolomeo and Ubaldo, who punched each other’s little 
heads out of jealousy : and so, when they came from 
the east and west, at the summons of the Marquis degli 
Spinachi, were the Crim Tartar Lords who still remained 
faithful to the House of Cavolfiore. They were such 
very old gentlemen for the most part, that her Majesty 


y6 You, who with Success would Fight, 

never suspected their absurd passion, and went among 
them quite unaware of the havoc her beauty was causing, 
until an old blind Lord who had joined her party, told 
her what the truth was ; after which, for fear of making 
the people too much in love with her, she always wore 
a veil. She went about, privately, from one nobleman’s 
castle to another ; and they visited amongst themselves 
again, and had meetings, and composed proclamations 
and counter-proclamations, and distributed all the best 
places of the kingdom amongst one another, and selected 
who of the opposition party should be executed when 
the Queen came to her own. And so in about a year 
they were ready to move. 

The party of Fidelity was in truth composed of very 
feeble old fogies for the most part ; they went about 
the country waving their old swords and flags, and call- 
ing “ God save the Queen ! ” and King Padella happen- 
ing to be absent upon an invasion, they had their own 
way for a little, and to be sure the people were very 
enthusiastic whenever they saw the Queen ; otherwise 
the vulgar took matters very quietly, for they said, as 
far as they could recollect, they were pretty well as 
much taxed in Cavolfiore’s time, as now in Padella’s. 


Should be Strong as well as Right. 


CHAPTER XIII. 

HOW QUEEN ROSALBA CAME TO THE CASTLE OF THE BOLD 
COUNT HOGGINARMO. 

Her Majesty, having indeed nothing else to give, 
made all her followers Knights of the Pumpkin, and 
marquises, earls, and baronets, and they had a little 
court for her, and made her a little crown of gilt paper, 
and a robe of cotton velvet, and they quarrelled about 
the places to be given away in her court, and about 
rank and precedence and dignities; — you can’t think 
how they quarrelled ! The poor Queen was very tired 
of her honors before she had had them a month, and I 
dare say sighed sometimes even to be a lady’s maid 
again. But we must all do our duty in our respective 
stations, so the Queen resigned herself to perform 
hers. 

We have said how it happened that none of the 
Usurper’s troops came out to oppose this Army of Fi- 
delity : it pottered along as nimbly as the gout of the 
principal commanders allowed ; it consisted of twice as 
many officers as soldiers ; and at length passed near 
the estates of one of the most powerful noblemen of 
the country, who had not declared for the Queen, but 
of whom her party had hope, as he was always quarrel- 
ling with King Padella. 


78 How Count Hogginarmo Woo’d Her, 

When they came close to his park gates, this noble- 
man sent to say he would wait upon her Majesty ; he 
was a most powerful warrior, and his name was Count 
Hogginarmo, whose helmet it took two strong negroes to 



carry. He knelt down before her and said : “ Madam and 
liege lady ! it becomes the great nobles of the Crimean 
realm to show every outward sign of respect to the wearer 
of the crown, whoever that may be. We testify to our 
own nobility in acknowledging yours. The bold Hog- 


79 


Surely Nothing could be Ruder. 

ginarmo bends the knee to the first of the aristocracy 
of his country.” 

Rosalba said, “ The bold Count of Hogginarmo was 
uncommonly kind.” But she felt afraid of him, even 
while he was kneeling, and his eyes scowled at her from 
between his whiskers, which grew up to them. 

“The first Count of the Empire, madam,” he went 
on, “ salutes the Sovereign. The Prince addresses him- 
self to the not more noble lady ! Madam ! my hand is 
free, and I offer it, and my heart and my sword to your 
service ! My three wives lie buried in my ancestral 
vaults. The third perished but a year since, and this 
heart pines for a consort ! Deign to be mine, and I 
swear to bring to your bridal table the head of King 
Padella, the eyes and nose of his son, Prince Bulbo, the 
right hand and ears of the usurping sovereign of Paflago- 
nia, which country shall thenceforth be an appanage to 
your — to our Crown! Say yes; Hogginarmo is not 
accustomed to be denied. Indeed, I cannot contemplate 
the possibility of a refusal : for frightful would be the 
result, dreadful the murders, furious the devastations, 
horrible the tyranny, tremendous the tortures, misery, 
taxation, which the people of this realm will endure if 
Hogginarmo’s wrath be aroused! I see consent in your 
Majesty’s lovely eyes — their glances fill my soul with 
rapture ! ” 

“ O sir,” Rosalba said, withdrawing her hand in great 
fright. “Your Lordship is exceedingly kind, but I am 
sorry to tell you that I have a prior attachment to a young 
gentleman by the name of — Prince — Giglio — and never 
— never can marry any one but him.” 

Who can describe Hogginarmo’s wrath at this remark ? 
Rising up from the ground, he ground his teeth so that 
fire flashed out of his mouth, from which at the same 
time issued remarks and language so loud, violent , and 
improper , that this pen shall never repeat them ! “ R-r- 

r-r-r-r — Rejected! Fiends and perdition! The bold 
Hogginarmo rejected! All the world shall hear of my 
rage ; and you, madam, you above all shall rue it ! ” 


80 Much I Fear your Reign is Over, 

And kicking the two negroes before him, he rushed 
away, his whiskers streaming in the wind. 

Her Majesty’s Privy Council was in a dreadful panic 
when they saw Hogginarmo issue from the royal pres- 
ence in such a towering rage, making footballs of the 
poor negroes, — a panic which the events justified. They 



marched off from Hogginarmo’s park very crestfallen, 
and in another half-hour they were met by that rapa- 
cious chieftain with a few of his followers, who cut, 
slashed, charged, whacked, banged, and pommelled 
amongst them, took the Queen prisoner, and drove the 
Army of Fidelity to I don’t know where. 

Poor Queen ! Hogginarmo, her conqueror, would 



Poor Rosalba ! Where is your Lover? 81 

not condescend to see her. “ Get a horse-van ! ” he 
said to his grooms. “ Clap the hussy into it, and 
send her, with my compliments, to his Majesty King 
Padella.” 

Along with his lovely prisoner, Hogginarmo sent a 
letter full of servile compliments and loathsome flat- 
teries to King Padella, for whose life and that of 
his royal family the hypocritical humbug pretended 
to offer the most fulsome prayers. And Hoggi- 
narmo promised speedily to pay his humble homage at 
his august master’s throne, of which he begged leave 
to be counted the most loyal and constant defender. 
Such a wary old bird as King Padella was not to be 
caught by Master Hogginarmo’s chaff \ and we shall 
hear presently how the tyrant treated his upstart vassal. 
No, no ; depend on’t, two such rogues do not trust one 
another. 

So this poor Queen was laid in the straw like Margery 
Daw, and driven along in the dark ever so many miles 
to the Court, where King Padella had now arrived, hav- 
ing vanquished all his enemies, murdered most of them, 
and brought some of the richest into captivity with him 
for the purpose of torturing them and finding out where 
they had hidden their money. 

Rosalba heard their shrieks and groans in the dun- 
geon in which she was thrust; a most awful black hole, 
full of bats, rats, mice, toads, frogs, mosquitoes, bugs, 
fleas, serpents, and every kind of horror. No light 
was let into it, otherwise the gaolers might have seen 
her and fallen in love with her, as an owl that lived 
up in the roof of the tower did; and a cat, you know, 
who can see in the dark, having set its green eyes on 
Rosalba never would be got to go back to the turnkey’s 
wife to whom it belonged. And the toads in the dun- 
geon came and kissed her feet, and the vipers wound 
round her neck and arms, and never hurt her, so charm- 
ing was this poor Princess in the midst of her misfor- 
tunes. 

At last, after she had been kept in this place ever so 


82 King Padella Comes a Wooing, 

long, the door of the dungeon opened and the terrible 
King Padella came in. 



But what he said and did must be reserved for 
another chapter, as we must now back to Prince Giglio. 


Here we Ask what Giglio’s Doing. 


CHAPTER XIV. 

WHAT BECAME OF GIGLIO. 

The idea of marrying such an old creature as Gruff anuff 
frightened Prince Giglio so that he ran up to his room, 
packed his trunks, fetched in a couple of porters, and 
was off to the diligence office in a twinkling. 

It was well that he was so quick in his operations, did 
not dawdle over his luggage, and took the early coach, 
for as soon as the mistake about Prince Bulbo was found 
out, that cruel Glumboso sent up a couple of policemen 
to Prince Giglio’s room, with orders that he should be 
carried to Newgate, and his head taken off before twelve 
o’clock. But the coach was out of the Paflagonian do- 
minions before two o’clock ; and I dare say the express 
that was sent after Prince Giglio did not ride very quick, 
for many people in Paflagonia had a regard for Giglio, 
as the son of their old sovereign ; a Prince who, with all 
his weaknesses, was very much better than his brother 
— the reigning, usurping, lazy, careless, passionate, ty- 
rannical, reigning monarch. That Prince busied himself 
with the balls, fetes, masquerades, hunting parties, and 
so forth, which he thought proper to give, on occasion 
of his daughter’s marriage to Prince Bulbo ; and let us 
trust was not sorry in his own heart that his brother’s 
son had escaped the scaffold. 

It was very cold weather, and the snow was on the 
ground, and Giglio, who gave his name as simple Mr. 
Gills, was very glad to get a comfortable place in the 
coupe of the diligence, where he sat with the conductor 


84 As Becomes his Lineage Knightly, 

and another gentleman. At the first stage from Blom- 
bodinga, as they stopped to change horses, there came 
up to the diligence a very ordinary, vulgar-looking 
woman, with a bag under her arm, who asked for a 



place. All the inside places were taken, and the young 
woman was informed that if she wished to travel, she 
must go upon the roof ; and the passenger inside with 
Giglio (a rude person, I should think) put his head out 
A of the window, and said: “Nice weather for travelling 


Master Giglio Acts Politely. 85 

outside ! I wish you a pleasant journey, my dear.” 
The poor woman coughed very much, and Giglio pitied 
her. “ I will give up my place to her,” says he, “ rather 
than she should travel in the cold air with that horrid 
cough.” On which the vulgar traveller said : “ You'd 
keep her warm, I am sure, if it’s a muff she wants.” 
On which Giglio pulled his nose, boxed his ears, hit him 
in the eye, and gave this vulgar person a warning never 
to call him muff again. 

Then he sprang up gaily on to the roof of the dili- 
gence, and made himself very comfortable in the straw. 



The vulgar traveller got down only at the next station, 
and Giglio took his place again, and talked to the person 
next to him. She appeared to be a most agreeable, 
well-informed, and entertaining female. They travelled 
together till night, and she gave Giglio all sorts of 
things out of the bag which she carried, and which 
indeed seemed to contain the most wonderful collection 
of articles. He was thirsty — out there came a pint 
bottle of Bass’ pale ale, and a silver mug! Hungry — 
she took out a cold fowl, some slices of ham, bread, salt, 


86 Of the Bag, and how She Gave it. 

and a most delicious piece of cold plum-pudding, and a 
little glass of brandy afterwards. 

As they travelled, this plain-looking, queer woman 
talked to Giglio on a variety of subjects, in which the 
poor Prince showed his ignorance as much as she did 
her capacity. He owned, with many blushes, how igno- 
rant he was ; on which the lady said : “ My dear Gigl 
— my good Mr. Gills, you are a young man, and have 
plenty of time before you. You have nothing to do but 
to improve yourself. Who knows but that you may find 
use for your knowledge some day ? When — when you 
may be wanted at home, as some people may be.” 

“ Good Heavens, madam ! ” says he, “ do you know 
me ? ” 

“I know a number of funny things,” says the lady. 
“ I have been at some people’s christenings, and turned 
away from other folk’s doors. I have seen some people 
spoilt by good fortune, and others, as I hope, improved 
by hardship. I advise you to stay at the town where 
the coach stops for the night. Stay there and study, 
and remember your old friend to whom you were kind.” 

“ And who is my old friend ? ” asked Giglio. 

“ When you want any thing,” says the lady, “ look in 
this bag, which I leave to you as a present, and be 
grateful to — ” 

“To whom, madam ? ” says he. 

“To the Fairy Blackstick,” says the lady, flying out 
of the window. And when Giglio asked the conductor 
if he knew where the lady was, “What lady?” says the 
man ; “ there has been no lady in this coach, except the 
old woman, who got out at the last stage.” And Giglio 
thought he had been dreaming. But there was the bag 
which Blackstick had given him lying on his lap ; and 
when he came to the town he took it in his hand and 
went into the inn. 

They gave him a very bad bedroom, and Giglio, when 
he woke in the morning, fancying himself in the Royal 
Palace at home, called, “John, Charles, Thomas! My 
chocolate — my dressing-gown — my slippers ” ; but no- 


Oh ! How I should Like to Have it ! 87 

body came. There was no bell, so he went and bawled 
out for waiter on the top of the stairs. 

The landlady came up, looking — looking like this — 



“ What are you a hollaring and a bellaring for here, 
young man ? ” says she. 

“ There’s no warm water — no servants; my boots 
are not even cleaned.” 

“ He, he ! Clean ’em yourself,” says the landlady. 
“You young students give yourselves pretty airs. I 
never heard such impudence.” 

“I’ll quit the house this instant,” says Giglio. 

“ The sooner the better, young man. Pay your bill 
and be off. All my rooms is wanted for gentlefolks, 
and not for such as you.” 

“You may well keep the Bear Inn,” said Giglio. 
“You should have yourself painted as the sign.” 

The landlady of the Bear went away growling. And 
Giglio returned to his room, where the first thing he 
saw was the fairy bag lying on the table, which seemed 
to give a little hop as he came in. “ I hope it has some 
breakfast in it,” says Giglio, “for I have only a very 
little money left.” But on opening the bag, what do 
you think was there ; a blacking-brush and a pot of War- 
ren’s jet, and on the pot was written : — 



88 


Humble Pie is Wholesome Meat, 


“ Poor young men their boots must black, 

Use me and cork me and put me back.” 

So Giglio laughed and blacked his boots, and put back 
the brush and the bottle into the bag. 



When he had done dressing himself, the bag gave 
another little hop, and he went to it and took out — 

1. A table-cloth and a napkin. 

2. A sugar-basin full of the best loaf-sugar. 

4, 6, 8, io. Two forks, two teaspoons, two knives, and 
a pair of sugar-tongs, and a butter-knife, all marked G. 
ii, 12, 13. A tea-cup, saucer, and slop-basin. 

14. A jug full of delicious cream. 

15. A canister with black tea and green. 


Good for All of Us to Eat. 


89 


16. A large tea-urn and boiling water. 

1 7. A sauce-pan, containing three eggs, nicely done. 

18. A quarter of a pound of best Epping butter. 

19. A brown loaf. 

And if he hadn’t enough now for a good breakfast, I 
should like to know who ever had one ! 

Giglio, having had his breakfast, popped all the things 
back into the bag, and went out looking for lodgings. 
I forgot to say that this celebrated university town was 
called Bosforo. 

He took a modest lodging opposite the Schools, paid 
his bill at the inn, and went to his apartment with his 
trunk, carpet-bag, and not forgetting, we may be sure, 
his other bag. 

When he opened his trunk, which the day before he 
had filled with his best clothes, he found it contained 
only books. And in the first of them which he opened 
there was written — 

“ Clothes for the back, books for the head : 

Read, and remember them when they are read.” 

And in his bag, when Giglio looked in it, he found a 
student’s cap and gown, a writing-book full of paper, an 
inkstand, pens, and a Johnson’s dictionary, which was very 
useful to him, as his spelling had been sadly neglected. 

So he sat down and worked away, very, very hard for 
a whole year, during which “ Mr. Giles ” was quite an 
example to all the students in the University of Bosforo. 
He never got into any riots or disturbances. The pro- 
fessors all spoke well of him, and the students liked him, 
too ; so that, when at examination, he took all the prizes, 
viz. : — 




all his fellow students said, “ Hurray ! Hurray for Giles ! 
Giles is the boy — the students’ joy ! Hurray for Giles ! ” 


9 ° 


In the Papers here we Read 

And he brought quite a quantity of medals, crowns, 
books, and tokens of distinction home to his lodg- 
ings. 

One day after the examinations, as he was diverting 
himself at a coffee-house with two friends (did I tell you 
that in his bag, every Saturday night, he found just 
enough to pay his bills, with a guinea over, for pocket- 
money ? Didn’t I tell you ? Well, he did, as sure as 
twice twenty makes forty-five), he chanced to look in the 
“ Bosforo Chronicle,” and read off, quite easily (for he 
could spell, read, and write the longest words now) the 
following : — 

“ Romantic Circumstance. — One of the most extra- 
ordinary adventures that we have ever heard has set the 
neighboring country of Crim Tartary in a state of great 
excitement. 

“ It will be remembered that when the present revered 
sovereign of Crim Tartary, his Majesty King Padella , 
took possession of the throne, after having vanquished, 
in the terrific battle of Blunderbusco, the late King 
Cavoljiore , that Prince’s only child, the Princess Rosalba, 
was not found in the royal palace, of which King Padella 
took possession, and, it was said, had strayed into the 
forest (being abandoned by all her attendants), where 
she had been eaten up by those ferocious lions, the last 
pair of which were captured some time since, and 
brought to the Tower, after killing several hundred 
persons. 

“ His Majesty King Padella, who has the kindest heart 
in the world, was grieved at the accident which had 
occurred to the harmless little Princess, for whom his 
Majesty’s known benevolence would certainly have pro- 
vided a fitting establishment. But her death seemed to 
be certain. The mangled remains of a cloak, and a little 
shoe, were found in the forest, during a hunting party, 
‘in which the intrepid sovereign of Crim Tartary slew 
two of the lions’ cubs with his own spear. And these 
interesting relics of an innocent little creature were 
carried home and kept by their finder, the Baron Spina- 









To Arms ! 






Most Important News Indeed. 91 

chi, formerly an officer in Cavolfiore’s household. The 
Baron was disgraced in consequence of his known 
legitimist opinions, and has lived for some time in the 
humble capacity of a wood-cutter, in a forest, on the out- 
skirts of the Kingdom of Crim Tartary. 

“ Last Tuesday week Baron Spinachi and a number 
of gentlemen, attached to the former dynasty, appeared 
in arms, crying ‘ God save Rosalba, the first Queen of 
Crim Tartary!’ and surrounding a lady whom report 
describes as ‘ beautiful exceedingly .’ Her history may be 
authentic, is certainly most romantic. 

“ The personage calling herself Rosalba states that 
she was brought out of the forest, fifteen years since, by 
a lady in a car, drawn by dragons (this account is cer- 
tainly improbable ), that she was left in the palace Garden 
of Blombodinga, where her Royal Highness Angelica, 
now married to his Royal Highness the Princess Bulbo, 
Crown Prince of Crim Tartary, found the child, and, with 
that elegant benevolence which has always distinguished 
the heiress of the throne of Paflagonia, gave the little 
outcast a shelter and a home! Her parents not being 
known, and her garb very humble, the foundling was 
educated in the Palace in a menial capacity, under 
the name of Betsinda. 

“ She did not give satisfaction, and was dismissed, 
carrying with her, certainly, part of a mantle and a shoe, 
which she had on when first found. According to her 
statement she quitted Blombodinga about a year ago, 
since which time she has been with the Spinachi family. 
On the very same morning the Prince Giglio, nephew to 
the King of Paflagonia, a young Prince whose character 
for talent and order were, to say truth, none of the high- 
est, also quitted Blombodinga, and has not been since 
heard of ! ” 

“ What an extraordinary story!” said Smith and Jones, 
two young students, Giglio’s especial friends. 

“ Ha ! what is this ? ” Giglio went on reading — 

“ Second Edition, Express. — We hear that the troop 
under Baron Spinachi has been surrounded, and utterly 


9 1 


On Perusal of this Letter 


routed, by General Count Hogginarmo, and the soi- 
disant Princess is sent a prisoner to the capital. 

“ University News. — Yesterday, at the Schools, the 
distinguished young student, Mr. Giles, read a Latin 
oration, and was complimented by the Chancellor of Bos- 
foro, Dr. Prugnaro, with the highest University honor — 
the wooden spoon.” 

“ Never mind that stuff,” says Giles , greatly dis- 
turbed. “ Come home with me, my friends — partakers 
of my academic toils — I have that to tell shall astonish 
your honest minds.” 

“ Go it, old boy ! ” cried the impetuous Smith. 

“ Talk away, my buck ! ” says Jones, a lively fellow. 

With an air of indescribable dignity, Giglio checked 
their natural, but no more seemly familiarity. “ Jones, 
Smith, my good friends,” said the Prince, “ disguise is 
henceforth useless, I am no more the humble student 
Giles, I am the descendant of a royal line.” 

“ Atavis edite regibus , I know, old co ,” cried 

Jones, he was going to say old cock, but a flash from 
the royal eye again awed him. 

“ Friends,” continued the Prince, “ I am that Giglio, 
I am, in fact, Paflagonia. Rise, Smith, and kneel not 
in the public street. Jones, thou true heart! My 
faithless uncle, when I was a baby, filched from me 
that brave crown my father left me, bred me all young 
and careless of my rights, like unto hapless Hamlet, 
Prince of Denmark ; and had I any thoughts about my 
wrongs, soothed me with promises of near redress. I 
should espouse his daughter young Angelica ; we two 
indeed should reign in Paflagonia. His words were false 
— false as Angelica’s heart! — false as Angelica’s hair, 
color, front teeth ! She looked with her skrew eyes upon 
young Bulbo, Crim Tartary’s stupid heir, and she pre- 
ferred him. ’Twas then I turned my eyes upon Bet- 
sinda — Rosalba, as she now is. And I saw in her the 
blushing sum of all perfection ; the pink of maiden 
modesty ; the nymph that my fond heart had ever 
woo’d in dreams,” etc., etc. 


Giglio Swears that He’ll Abet Her. 93 

(I don’t give this speech, which was very fine, but 
very long; and though Smith and Jones knew nothing . 
about the circumstances, my dear reader does, so I go 
on.) 

The Prince and his young friends hastened home to 
his apartment, highly excited by the intelligence, as no 
doubt by the royal narrator s admirable manner of re- 
counting it, and they ran up to his room where he had 
worked so hard at his books. 

On his writing-table was his bag, grown so long that 
the Prince could not help remarking it. He went to it, 
opened it, and what do you think he found in it ? 

A splendid long, gold-handled, red-velvet-scabbarded, 
cut-and-thrust sword, and on the sheath was embroidered, 

“ Rosalba for Ever ! ” 

He drew out the sword, which flashed and illuminated 
the whole room, and called out “ Rosalba for ever ! ” 
Smith and Jones following him, but quite respectfully 
this time, and taking the time from his Royal Highness. 

And now his trunk opened with a sudden pong, and 
out there came three ostrich feathers in a gold crown, 
surrounding a beautiful shining steel helmet, a cuirass, 
a pair of spurs, finally a complete suit of armor. 

The books on Giglio’s shelves were all gone. Where 
there had been some great dictionaries, Giglio’s friends 
found two pairs of Jack-boots, labelled “Lieutenant 

Smith,” “ Jones, Esq.,” which fitted them to a 

nicety. Besides, there were helmets, back and breast 
plates, swords, etc., just like in Mr. G. P. R. James’s nov- 
els, and that evening three cavaliers might have been 
seen issuing from the gates of Bosforo, in whom the 
porters, proctors, etc., never thought of recognizing the 
young Prince and his friends. 

They got horses at a livery stable-keeper’s, and never 
drew bridle until they reached the last town on the fron- 
tier, before you come to Crim Tartary. Here, as their 
animals were tired, and the cavaliers hungry, they 
stopped and refreshed at an hostel. I could make a 
chapter of this if I were like some writers, but I like to 


94 


Now Good-bye to Book and Pen, 

cram my measure tight down, you see, and give you a 
great deal for your money, and in a word, they had some 
bread and cheese and ale upstairs on the balcony of 
the inn. As they were drinking, drums and trumpets 
sounded nearer and nearer, the market-place was filled 
with soldiers, and his Royal Highness looking forth, 
recognized the Paflagonian banners, and the Paflagonian 
national air which the bands were playing. 

The troops all made for the tavern at once, and as 
they came up Giglio exclaimed, on beholding their leader: 
“Whom do I see? Yes! No! It is, it is ! Phoo ! 
No, it can’t be! Yes! It is my friend, my gallant 
faithful veteran, Captain Hedzoff! Ho! Hedzoff! 
Knowest thou not thy Prince, thy Giglio ? Good Cor- 
poral, methinks we once were friends. Ha, Sergeant, 
an’ my memory serves me right, we have had many a 
bout at single stick.” 

“ I’ faith, we have a many, good my Lord,” says the 
Sergeant. 

“ Tell me, what means this mighty armament,” con- 
tinued his Royal Highness from the balcony, “ and 
whither march my Paflagonians ? ” 

Hedzoff’s head fell. “ My Lord,” he said, “ we march 
as the allies of great Padella, Crim Tartary ’s mon- 
arch.” 

“ Crim Tartary’s usurper, gallant Hedzoff ! Crim 
Tartary’s grim tyrant, honest Hedzoff ! ” said the Prince, 
on the balcony, quite sarcastically. 

“ A soldier, Prince, must needs obey his orders : mine 
are to help his Majesty Padella. And also (though alack 
that I should say it ! ) to seize wherever I should light 
upon him — ” 

“ First catch your hare ! ha, Hedzoff ! ” exclaimed 
his Royal Highness. 

“ — On the body of Giglio , whilome Prince of Pafla- 
gonia,” Hedzoff went on, with indescribable emotion. 
“ My Prince, give up your sword without ado. Look ! 
we are thirty thousand men to one ! ” 

“ Give up my sword ! Giglio give up his sword ! ” 


Follow Giglio, Gentlemen ! 95 

cried the Prince ; and stepping well forward on to the bal- 
cony, the royal youth, without preparation , delivered a 
speech so magnificent, that no report can do justice to it. 



Prince Giglio’s Speech to the Army. 


It was all in blank verse (in which, from this time, he 
invariably spoke, as more becoming his majestic station). 
It lasted for three days and three nights, during which 


96 Hasten, Rescue ! Giglio, Run ! for 

not a single person who heard him was tired, or remarked 
the difference between daylight and dark. The soldiers 
only cheering tremendously, when occasionally, once in 
nine hours, the Prince paused to suck an orange, which 
Jones took out of the bag. He explained in terms which 
we say we shall not attempt to convey, the whole history 
of the previous transaction : and his determination not 
only not to give up his sword, but to assume his rightful 
crown : and at the end of this extraordinary, this truly 
gigantic effort, Captain Hedzoff flung up his helmet, and 
cried : “ Hurray ! Hurray ! Long live King Giglio ! ” 

Such were the consequences of having employed his 
time well at College ! 

When the excitement had ceased, beer was ordered 
out for the army, and their Sovereign himself did not 
disdain a little ! And now it was with some alarm that 
Captain Hedzoff told him his division was only the ad- 
vanced guard of the Paflagonian contingent, hastening 
to King Padella’s aid. The main force being a day’s 
march in the rear under his Royal Highness Prince 
Bulbo. 

“We will wait here, good friend, to beat the Prince,” 
his Majesty said, “and then will make his royal Father 
wince.” 


Else our Poor Rosalba’s Done for. 


97 


CHAPTER XV. 

WE RETURN TO ROSALBA. 

King Padella made very similar proposals to Ros- 
alba to those which she had received from the various 
princes who, as we have seen, had fallen in love with 
her. His Majesty was a widower, and offered to marry 
his fair captive that instant, but she declined his invita- 
tion in her usual polite, gentle manner, stating that 
Prince Giglio was her love, and that any other union 
was out of the question. Having tried tears and sup- 
plications in vain, this violent-tempered monarch menaced 
her with threats and tortures ; but she declared she would 
rather suffer all these than accept the hand of her father’s 
murderer, who left her finally, uttering the most awful 
imprecations, and bidding her prepare for death on the 
following morning. 

All night long the King spent in advising how he 
should get rid of this obdurate young creature. Cut- 
ting off her head was much too easy a death for her ; 
hanging was so common in his Majesty’s dominions that 
it no longer afforded him any sport : finally, he bethought 
himself of a pair of lions which had lately been sent to 
him as presents, and he determined, with these ferocious 
brutes, to hunt poor Rosalba down. Adjoining his cas- 
tle was an amphitheatre where the Prince indulged in 
bull-baiting, rat-hunting, and other ferocious sports. 
The two lions were kept in a cage under this place; 
their roaring might be heard over the whole city, the 
inhabitants of which, I am sorry to say, thronged in 


98 Little Suffering Victim Tender ! 

numbers to see a poor young lady gobbled up by two 
wild beasts. 

The King took his place in the royal box, having the 
officers of his court around and the Count Hogginarmo 
by his side, upon whom his Majesty was observed to 



look very fiercely; the fact is royal spies had told the 
monarch of Hogginarmo’s behavior, his proposals to 
Rosalba, and his offer to fight for the crown. Black as 
thunder looked King Padella at this proud noble, as they 


From these Lions Heaven Defend her! 


99 

sat in the front seats of the theatre waiting to see the 
tragedy whereof poor Rosalba was to be the heroine. 

At length that princess was brought out in her night- 
gown, with all her beautiful hair falling down her back, 
and looking so pretty that even the beef-eaters and 
keepers of the wild animals wept plentifully at seeing 
her. And she walked with her poor little feet (only 
luckily the arena was covered with sawdust), and went 
and leaned up against a great stone in the centre of the 
amphitheatre, round which the court and the people 
were seated in boxes with bars before them, for fear of 



the great, fierce, red-maned, black-throated, long-tailed, 
roaring, bellowing, rushing lions. And now the gates 
were opened, and with a wurrawar-rurawarar two great 
lean, hungry, roaring lions rushed out of their den where 
they had been kept for three weeks on nothing but a 
little toast-and-water, and dashed straight up to the 
stone where poor Rosalba was waiting. Commend her 
to your patron saints, all you kind people, for she is in 
a dreadful state. 

There was a hum and a buzz all through the circus, 
and the fierce King Padella even felt a little compassion. 

L.ofC. 


IOO 


I’ll Keep Clear when Lions Sup ; 

But Count Hogginarmo, seated by his Majesty, roared 
out, “ Hurray ! Now for it ! Soo-soo-soo ! ” that noble- 
man being uncommonly angry still at Rosalba’s refusal 
of him. 

But O strange event ! O remarkable circumstance ! 
O extraordinary coincidence, which I am sure none of 
you could by any possibility have divined ! When the 
lions came to Rosalba, instead of devouring her with 
their great teeth, it was with kisses they gobbled her 
up ! They licked her pretty feet, they nuzzled their 
noses in her lap, they moo’d ; they seemed to say : “ Dear, 
dear sister, don’t you recollect your brothers in the for- 
est ? ” And she put her pretty white arms round their 
tawny necks, and kissed them. 

King Padella was much astonished. The Count Hog- 
ginarmo was extremely disgusted. “ Pooh ! ” the Count 
cried. “Gammon!” exclaimed his Lordship. “These 
lions are tame beasts come from Wombwell’s or Astley’s. 
It is a shame to put people off in this way. I believe 
they are little boys dressed up in door-mats. They are 
no lions at all.” 

“Ha!” said the King, “you dare to say ‘gammon’ 
to your sovereign, do you ? These lions are no lions at 
all, aren’t they ? Ho ! my beef-eaters ! Ho ! my body- 
guard ! Take this Count Hogginarmo and fling him 
into the circus ! Give him a sword and buckler ; let 
him keep his armor on, and his weather-eye out, and 
fight these lions.” 

The haughty Hogginarmo laid down his opera-glass, 
and looked scowling round at the King and his attend- 
ants. “Touch me not, dogs!” he said, “or by St. 
Nicholas the Elder I will gore you ! Your Majesty 
thinks Hogginarmo is afraid? No, not of a hundred 
thousand lions ! Follow me down into the circus, King 
Padella, and match thyself against one of yon brutes. 
Thou darest not. Let them both come on, then ! ” 
And opening a grating of the box, he jumped lightly 
down into the circus. 


IOI 


These Ate Hogginarmo up. 

IV urra wurra wurra wur-aw-aw-aw ! ! ! 

In about two minutes 
The Count Hogginarmo was 

GOBBLED UP 
by 

those lions, 
bones, boots, and all, 
and 

There was an 

End of him. 

At this the King said : “ Serve him right, the rebel- 
lious ruffian ! And now, as those lions won’t eat that 
young woman — ” 

“ Let her off ! — let her off ! ” cried the crowd. 

“NO!” roared the King. “Let the beef-eaters go 
down and chop her into small pieces. If the lions de- 
fend her, let the archers shoot them to death. That 
hussy shall die in tortures ! ” 

“ A-a-ah ! ” cried the crowd. “ Shame ! shame ! ” 

“ Who dares cry out shame ? ” cried the furious poten- 
tate (so little can tyrants command their passions). 
“ Fling any scoundrel who says a word down among 
the lions ! ” I warrant you there was a dead silence 
then, which was broken by a pang arang pang pangka- 
rangpang, and a knight and a herald rode in at the 
farther end of the circus. The knight, in full armor, 
with his visor up, and bearing a letter on the point of 
his lance. 

“ Ha ! ” exclaimed the King, “ by my fay, ’tis Ele- 
phant and Castle, pursuivant of my brother of Pafla- 
gonia, and the Knight, an my memory serves me, is the 
gallant Captain Hedzoff ! What news from Paflagonia, 
gallant Hedzoff ? Elephant and Castle, beshrew me, 
thy trumpeting must have made thee thirsty. What will 
my trusty herald like to drink?” 

“Bespeaking first safe conduct from your Lordship,” 
said Captain Hedzoff, “ before we take a drink of any 
thing, permit us to deliver our king’s message.” 

“My Lordship, ha?” said Crim Tartary, frowning 
terrifically. “ That title soundeth strange in the anointed 


1 02 


Yet the Terrible Crim Tartar 


ears of a crowned king. Straightway speak out your 
message, knight and herald ! ” 

Reining up his charger in a most elegant manner 
close under the King’s balcony, Hedzoff turned to the 
herald and bade him begin. 

Elephant and Castle, dropping his trumpet over his 
shoulder, took a large sheet of paper out of his hat, and 
began to read : 

“ O yes ! O yes ! O yes ! Know all men by these 
presents, that we, Giglio, King of Paflagonia, Grand 
Duke of Cappadocia, Sovereign Prince of Turkey and 
the Sausage Islands, having assumed our rightful throne 
and title, long time falsely borne by our usurping uncle, 
styling himself King of Paflagonia — ” 

“ Ha ! ” growled Padella. 

“ — Hereby summon the false traitor, Padella, calling 
himself King of Crim Tartary — ” 

The King’s curses were dreadful. “ Go on, Elephant 
and Castle ! ” said the intrepid Hedzoff. 

“ — To release from cowardly imprisonment his liege 
lady and rightful sovereign, Rosalba, Queen of Crim 
Tartary, and restore her to her royal throne, in default 
of which, I, Giglio, proclaim the said Padella sneak, 
traitor, humbug, usurper, and coward. I challenge him 
to meet me, with fists or with pistols, with battle-axe or 
sword, with blunderbuss or single-stick, alone or at the 
head of his army, on foot or on horseback, and will 
prove my words upon his wicked, ugly body ! ” 

“ God save the King ! ” said Captain Hedzoff, execut- 
ing a demivolte, two semilunes, and three caracols. 

“ Is that all ? ” said Padella, with the terrific calm of 
concentrated fury. 

“That, sir, is all my Royal Master’s message. Here 
is his Majesty’s letter in autograph, and here is his 
glove, and if any gentleman of Crim Tartary chooses 
to find fault with his Majesty’s expressions, I, Tuffskin 
Hedzoff, Captain of the Guard, am very much at his 
service,” and he waved his lance and looked at the as- 
sembly all round. 


Still would Poor Rosalba Martyr. 


103 


“ And what says my good brother of Paflagonia, my 
dear son’s father-in-law, to this rubbish? ” asked the King. 

“ The King’s uncle hath been deprived of the crown 
he unjustly wore,” said Hedzoff gravely. “ He and his 
ex-minister, Glumboso, are now in prison waiting the 
sentence of my Royal Master. After the battle of Bom- 
bardaro — ” 

“ Of what ? ” asked the surprised Padella. 

“ Of Bombardaro, where my liege, his present Majesty, 
would have performed prodigies of valor, but that the 
whole of his uncle’s army came over to our side, with 
the exception of Prince Bulbo.” 

“ Ah ! my boy, my boy, my Bulbo was no traitor ! ” 
cried Padella. 

“ Prince Bulbo, far from coming over to us, ran away, 
sir ; but I caught him. The Prince is a prisoner in our 
army, and the most terrific tortures await him if a hair 
of the Princess Rosalba’s head is injured.” 

“ Do they ? ” exclaimed the furious Padella, who was 
now perfectly livid with rage. “ Do they indeed ? So 
much the worse for Bulbo. I’ve twenty sons as lovely 
each as Bulbo. Not one but is as fit to reign as Bulbo. 
Whip, whack, flog, starve, rack, punish, torture Bulbo — 
break all his bones — roast him or flay him alive — pull 
all his pretty teeth out one by one ! But justly dear as 
Bulbo is to me, — -joy of my eyes, fond treasure of my 
soul! ha, ha, ha, ha! revenge is dearer still. Ho ! tor- 
turers, rack-men, executioners — light up the fires and 
make the pincers hot ! get lots of boiling lead ! — Bring 
out Rosalba ! ” 


104 Of Poor Bulbo, how they Picked Him 


CHAPTER XVI. 

HOW HEDZOFF RODE BACK AGAIN TO KING GIGLIO. 

Captain Hedzoff rode away when King Padella 
uttered this cruel command, having done his duty in de- 
livering the message with which his Royal Master had 
entrusted him. Of course he was very sorry for Rosalba, 
but what could he do ? 

So he returned to King Giglio’s camp and found the 
young monarch in a disturbed state of mind, smoking 
cigars in the royal tent. His Majesty’s agitation was 
not appeased by the news that was brought by his am- 
bassador. “ The brutal ruthless ruffian royal wretch ! ” 
Giglio exclaimed. “ As England’s poesy has well re- 
marked, ‘The man that lays his hand upon a woman, 
save in the way of kindness, is a villain.’ Ha, Hedz- 
off ? ” 

“ That he is, your Majesty,” said the attendant. 

“ And didst thou see her flung into oil ? and didn’t 
the soothing oil — the emollient oil, refuse to boil, good 
Hedzoff — and to spoil the fairest lady ever eyes did 
look on ? ” 

“ Faith, good, my liege, I had no heart to look and see 
a beauteous lady boiling down ; I took your royal mes- 
sage to Padella, and bore it back to you. I told him you 
would hold Prince Bulbo answerable. He only said that 
he had twenty sons as good as Bulbo, and forthwith he 
bade the ruthless executioners proceed.” 

“ O cruel father — O unhappy son ! ” cried the King. 
“ Go, some of you, and bring Prince Bulbo hither.” 


Out, as Usual, for a Victim. 105 

Bulbo was brought in chains, looking very uncomfort- 
able. Though a prisoner, he had been tolerably happy, 
perhaps because his mind was at rest, and all the fight- 
ing was over, and he was playing at marbles with his 
guards, when the King sent for him. 

“ O my poor Bulbo,” said his Majesty, with looks of 
infinite compassion, “ hast thou heard the news (for you 
see Giglio wanted to break the thing gently to the 
Prince), thy brutal father has condemned Rosalba — 
p-p-p-ut her to death, P-p-p-prince Bulbo ! ” 

“ What, killed Betsinda, Boo-hoo-hoo,” cried out 
Bulbo. “Betsinda! pretty Betsinda ! dear Betsinda! 
She was the dearest little gijrl in the world ! I love her 
better twenty thousand times even than Angelica,” and 
he went on expressing his grief in so hearty and unaf- 
fected a manner that the King was quite touched by it, 
and said, shaking Bulbo’s hand, that he wished he had 
known Bulbo sooner. 

Bulbo, quite unconsciously, and meaning for the best, 
offered to come and sit with his Majesty, and smoke a 
cigar with him, and console him. The royal kindness 
supplied Bulbo with a cigar ; he had not had one, he 
said, since he was taken prisoner. 

And now think what must have been the feelings of 
the most merciful of monarchs , when he informed his 
prisoner, that in consequence of King Padella’s cruel 
and dastardly behavior to Rosalba, Prince Bulbo must 
instantly be executed ! The noble Giglio could not 
restrain his tears, nor could the Grenadiers, nor the offi- 
cers, nor could Bulbo himself, when the matter was 
explained to him ; and he was brought to understand 
that his Majesty’s promise, of course, was above every 
thing, and Bulbo must submit. So poor Bulbo was led 
out. Hedzoff trying to console him, by pointing out 
that if he had won the battle of Bombardaro he might 
have hanged Prince Giglio. “Yes! But that is no 
comfort to me now ! ” said poor Bulbo ; nor indeed was 
it, poor fellow. 

He was told the business woujd be done the next 


106 May We ne’er be thus Befriended ! 

morning at eight, and was taken back to his dungeon, 
where every attention was paid to him. The gaoler’s 
wife sent him tea, and the turnkey’s daughter begged 
him to write his name in her album, where a many gen- 
tlemen had wrote it on like occasions ! “ Bother your 

album ! ” says Bulbo. The undertaker came and meas- 
ured him for the handsomest coffin which money could 
buy — even this didn’t console Bulbo. The cook 



brought him dishes which he once used to like ; but 
he wouldn’t touch them; he sat down and began 
writing an adieu to Angelica, as the clock kept always 
ticking, and the hands drawing nearer to next morning. 
The barber came in at night, and offered to shave him 
for the next day. Prince Bulbo kicked him away, and 
went on writing a few words to Princess Angelica, as 
the clock kept always ticking, and the hands hopping 


Bulbo’s Pains seem Well-nigh Ended. 107 

nearer and nearer to next morning. He got up on the 
top of a hat-box, on the top of a chair, on the top of 
his bed, on the top of his table, and looked out to see 
whether he might escape, as the clock kept always tick- 
ing and the hands drawing nearer, and nearer, and 
nearer. 

But looking out of the window was one thing, and 
jumping another ; and the town-clock struck seven. So 
he got into bed for a little sleep, but the gaoler came 




and woke him, and said : “ Git up, your Royal Ighness, 
if you please, it’s ten minutes to eight /” 

So poor Bulbo got up; he had gone to bed in his 
clothes (the lazy boy), and he shook himself, and said 
he didn’t mind about dressing, or having any breakfast, 
thank you ; and he saw the soldiers who had come for 
him. “ Lead on ! ” he said ; and they led the way, 
deeply affected ; and they came into the court-yard, and 


108 Hark! they Play the March in Saul! 

out into the square, and there was King Giglio come to 
take leave of him, and his Majesty most kindly shook 
hands with him, and the gloomy procession marched on 
— when hark! 

Haw — wurraw — wurraw — aworr ! 

A roar of wild beasts was heard. And who should 
come riding into town, frightening away the boys, and 
even the beadle and policeman, but Rosalba ! 



The fact is, that when Captain Hedzoff entered into 
the court of Snapdragon Castle, and was discoursing 
with King Padella, the lions made a dash at the open 
gate, gobbled up the six beef-eaters in a jiffy, and away 
they went with Rosalba on the back of one of them, 
and they carried her, turn and turn about, till they came 
to the city where Prince Giglio’s army was encamped. 

When the King heard of the Queen’s arrival, you 
may think how he rushed out of his breakfast-room to 
hand her Majesty off her lion ! The lions were grown 


But the Young Queen Rescues all. 109 

as fat as pigs now, having had Hogginarmo and all 
those beef-eaters, and were so tame any body might pat 
them. 

While Giglio knelt (most gracefully) and helped the 
Princess, Bulbo, for his part, rushed up and kissed the 
lion. He flung his arms round the forest monarch ; he 



hugged him, and laughed and cried for joy. “ Oh, you 
darling old beast, oh, how glad I am to see you, and 
the dear, dear Bets — that is, Rosalba.” 

“What, is it you? poor Bulbo,” said the Queen. “Oh, 
how glad I am to see you ; ” and she gave him her hand 
to kiss. King Giglio slapped him most kindly on the 


no Kissings, Huggings, Billings, Cooings, 

back, and said, “ Bulbo, my boy, I am delighted, for 
your sake, that her Majesty has arrived.” 

“So am I,” said Bulbo; “and you know why.” Cap- 
tain Hedzoff here came up. “ Sire, it is half-past eight; 
shall we proceed with the execution ? ” 

“ Execution, what for ? ” asked Bulbo. 

“An officer only knows his orders,” replied Captain 
Hedzoff, showing his warrant, on which his Majesty 
King Giglio smilingly said, “ Prince Bulbo was reprieved 
this time,” and most graciously invited him to break- 
fast. 


And All Sorts of Merry Doings. 


1 1 1 


CHAPTER XVII. 

HOW A TREMENDOUS BATTLE TOOK PLACE, AND WHO 
WON IT. 

As soon as King Padella heard, what we know already, 
that his victim, the lovely Rosalba, had escaped him, 
his Majesty’s fury knew no bounds, and he pitched the 
Lord Chancellor, Lord Chamberlain, and every officer 
of the crown whom he could set eyes on, into the cal- 
dron of boiling oil prepared for the Princess. Then he 
ordered out his whole army, horse, foot, and artillery ; 
and set forth at the head of an innumerable host, and I 
should think twenty thousand drummers, trumpeters, and 
fifers. 

King Giglio’s advanced guard, you may be sure, kept 
that monarch acquainted with the enemy’s dealings, and 
he was in no wise disconcerted. He was much too polite 
to alarm the Princess, his lovely guest, with any unnec- 
essary rumors of battles impending ; on the contrary, he 
did every thing to amuse and divert her; gave her a 
most elegant breakfast, dinner, lunch, and got up a ball 
for her that evening, when he danced with her every 
single dance. 

Poor Bulbo was taken into favor again, and allowed 
to go quite free now. He had new clothes given him, 
was called, “ My good cousin ” by his Majesty, and was 
treated with the greatest distinction by every body. But 
it was easy to see he was very melancholy. The fact is, 
the sight of Betsinda, who looked perfectly lovely in an 
elegant new dress, set poor Bulbo frantic in love with 
her again. And he never thought about Angelica, now 


1 1 2 


After Kissing, Billing, Cooing, 

Princess Bulbo, whom he had left at home, and who, as 
we know, did not care much about him. 

The King, dancing the twenty-fifth polka with Rosalba, 
remarked with wonder the ring she wore; and then 
Rosalba told him how she had got it from Gruffanuff, 
who no doubt had picked it up when Angelica flung it 
away. 

“ Yes,” says the Fairy Blackstick, who had come to 
see the young people, and who had very likely certain 
plans regarding them. “ That ring I gave the Queen, 
Giglio’s mother, who was not, saving your presence, a 
very wise woman ; it is enchanted, and whoever wears 
it looks beautiful in the eyes of the world. I made poor 
Prince Bulbo, when he was christened, the present of a 
rose which made him look handsome while he had it ; 
but he gave it to Angelica, who instantly looked beauti- 
ful again, whilst Bulbo relapsed into his natural plain- 
ness.” 

“ Rosalba needs no ring, I am sure,” says Giglio, with 
a low bow. “ She is beautiful enough, in my eyes, with- 
out any enchanted aid.” 

“ O sir,” said Rosalba. 

“Take off the ring and try,” said the King, and reso- 
lutely drew the ring off her finger. In his eyes she 
looked just as handsome as before ! 

The King was thinking of throwing the ring away, as 
it was so dangerous and made all the people so mad 
about Rosalba, but being a prince of great humor, and 
good humor too, he cast his eyes upon a poor youth who 
happened to be looking on very disconsolately, and 
said : 

“ Bulbo, my poor lad ! come and try on this ring. 
The Princess Rosalba makes it a present to you.” The 
magic properties of this ring were uncommonly strong, 
for no sooner had Bulbo put it on, but lo and behold ! 
he appeared a personable, agreeable young prince 
enough, — with a fine complexion, fair hair, rather stout, 
and with bandy legs ; but these were encased in such a 
beautiful pair of yellow morocco boots that nobody re- 


Up, Sir King! for Mischief’s Brewing! 113 

marked them. And Bulbo’s spirits rose up almost imme- 
diately after he had looked in the glass, and he talked to 
their Majesties in the most lively, agreeable manner, and 
danced opposite the Queen with one of her prettiest 
maids of honor, and after looking at her Majesty, could 
not help saying : “How very odd ; she is very pretty, 
but not so extraordinarily handsome.” “ Oh no, by no 
means ! ” says the Maid of Honor. 

“ But what care I, dear sir,” says the Queen, who 
overheard them, “if you think I am good-looking 
enough ? ” 

His Majesty’s glance in reply to this affectionate 
speech was such that no painter could draw it. And the 
Fairy Blackstick said : “ Bless you, my darling children ! 
Now you are united and happy ; and now you see what 
I said from the first, that a little misfortune has done 
you both good. You, Giglio, had you been bred in pros- 
perity, would scarcely have learned to read or write, — 
you would have been idle and extravagant, and could 
not have been a good king as now you will be. You, 
Rosalba, would have been so flattered that your little 
head might have been turned like Angelica’s, who 
thought herself too good for Giglio.” 

“As if any body could be good enough for him" cried 
Rosalba. 

“ O you, you darling ! ” says Giglio. And so she was ; 
and he was just holding out his arms in order to give 
her a hug before the whole company, when a messenger 
came rushing in, and said : “ My Lord, the enemy ! ” 

“To arms ! ” cries Giglio. 

“ Oh mercy ! ” says Rosalba, and fainted of course. 
He snatched one kiss from her lips, and rushed forth to 
the field of battle ! 

The fairy had provided King Giglio with a suit of ar- 
mor, which was not only embroidered all over with jewels, 
and blinding to your eyes to look at, but was water-proof, 
gun-proof, and sword-proof ; so that in the midst of the 
very hottest battles his Majesty rode about as calmly as 


1 14 Trumpets Pealing, Chargers Prancing, 

if he had been a British grenadier at Alma. Were I 
engaged in fighting for my country, I should like such 
a suit of armor as Prince Giglio wore ; but you know he 
was a prince of a fairy tale, and they always have these 
wonderful things. 

Besides the fairy armor, the Prince had a fairy horse, 
which would gallop at any pace you please ; and a fairy 
sword, which would lengthen, and run through a whole 
regiment of enemies at once. With such a weapon at 
command, I wonder, for my part, he thought of ordering 
his army out ; but forth they all came in magnificent new 
uniforms, Hedzoff and the Prince’s two college friends 
each commanding a division, and his Majesty prancing 
in person at the head of them all. 

Ah ! if I had the pen of a Sir Archibald Alison, my 
dear friends, would I not now entertain you with the 
account of a most tremendous shindy ? Should not fine 
blows be struck ? dreadful wounds be delivered ? arrows 
darken the air ? cannon balls crash through the battal- 
ions ! cavalry charge infantry ? infantry pitch into cav- 
alry ? bugles blow ; drums beat ; horses neigh ; fifes sing; 
soldiers roar, swear, hurray ; officers shout out: “ For- 
ward, my men ! ” “ This way, lads ! ” “ Give it ’em, boys. 
Fight for King Giglio, and the cause of right ! ” “ King 
Padella forever ! ” Would I not describe all this, I say, 
and in the very finest language, too ? But this humble 
pen does not possess the skill necessary for the descrip- 
tion of combats. In a word, the overthrow of King 
Padella’s army was so complete, that if they had been 
Russians you could not have wished them to be more 
utterly smashed and confounded. 

As for that usurping monarch, having performed acts 
of valor much more considerable than could be expected 
of a royal ruffian and usurper, who had such a bad cause, 
and who was so cruel to women, — as for King Padella, 
I say, when his army ran away the King ran away too, 
kicking his first general, Prince Punchikoff, from his 
saddle, and galloping away on the Prince’s horse, hav- 
ing indeed had twenty -five or twenty-six of his own shot 




















































































































- 























The Terrific Combat between King Giglio and King Padella. 


Stabbing, Slashing, Axing, Lancing. 115 

under him. Hedzoff coming up, and finding Punchikoff 
down, as you may imagine very speedily disposed of 
him. Meanwhile King Padella was scampering off as 
hard as his horse could lay legs to ground. F'ast as he 
scampered, I promise you somebody else galloped faster ; 
and that individual, as no doubt you are aware, was the 
Royal Giglio, who kept bawling out : “ Stay, traitor ! 
Turn, miscreant, and defend thyself! Stand, tyrant, 
coward, ruffian, royal wretch, till I cut thy ugly head 
from thy usurping shoulders ! ” And with his fairy 
sword, which elongated itself at will, his Majesty kept 
poking and prodding Padella in the back, until that 
wicked monarch roared with anguish. 

When he was fairly brought to bay, Padella turned 
and dealt Prince Giglio a prodigious crack over the 
sconce with his battle-axe, a most enormous weapon, 
which had cut down I don’t know how many regiments 
in the course of the afternoon. But, Law bless you ! 
though the blow fell right down on his Majesty’s helmet, 
it made no more impression than if Padella had struck 
him with a pat of butter ; his battle-axe crumpled up in 
Padella’s hand, and the Royal Giglio laughed for very 
scorn at the impotent efforts of that atrocious usurper. 

At the ill success of his blow the Crim Tartar monarch 
was justly irritated. “ If,” says he to Giglio, “you ride 
a fairy horse, and wear fairy armor, what on earth is the 
use of my hitting you ? I may as well give myself up a 
prisoner at once. Your Majesty won’t, I suppose, be so 
mean as to strike a poor fellow who can’t strike again ? ” 

The justice of Padella’s remark struck the magnani- 
mous Giglio. “ Do you yield yourself a prisoner, Pa- 
della ? ” says he. 

“ Of course I do,” says Padella. 

“ Do you acknowledge Rosalba as your rightful Queen, 
and give up the crown and all your treasures to your 
rightful mistress ? ” 

“ If I must I must,” says Padella, who was naturally 
very sulky. 

By this time King Giglio’s aids-de-camp had come up, 


1 1 6 Now the Dreadful Battle's Over, 

whom his Majesty ordered to bind the prisoner. And 
they tied his hands behind him, and bound his legs 
tight under his horse, having set him with his face to 
the tail ; and in this fashion he was led back to King 
Giglio’s quarters, and thrust into the very dungeon 
where young Bulbo had been confined. 

Padella (who was a very different person in the depth 
of his distress to Padella the proud wearer of the Crim 
Tartar crown) now most affectionately and earnestly 
asked to see his son — his dear eldest boy — his darling 
Bulbo ; and that good-natured young man never once 
reproached his haughty parent for his unkind conduct 
the day before, when he would have left Bulbo to be 
shot without any pity, but came to see his father, and 
spoke to him through the grating of the door, beyond 
which he was not allowed to go, and brought him some 
sandwiches from the grand supper which his Majesty 
was giving above stairs, in honor of the brilliant victory 
which had just been achieved. 

“ I cannot stay with you long, sir,” says Bulbo, who 
was in his best ball dress, as he handed his father in the 
prog, “ I am engaged to dance the next quadrille with 
her Majesty Queen Rosalba, and I hear the fiddles play- 
ing at this very moment.” 

So Bulbo went back to the ball-room, and the wretched 
Padella ate his solitary supper in silence and tears. 

All was now joy in King Giglio’s circle. Dancing, feast- 
ing, fun, illuminations, and jollifications of all sorts ensued. 
The people through whose villages they passed were or- 
dered to illuminate their cottages at night, and scatter 
flowers on the roads during the day. They were requested, 
and I promise you they did not like to refuse, to serve the 
troops liberally with eatables and wine; besides, the army 
was enriched by the immense quantity of plunder which 
was found in King Padella’s camp, and taken from his 
soldiers, who (after they had given up every thing) were 
allowed to fraternize with the conquerors, and the united 
forces marched back by easy stages towards King Gig- 


Onward Rode They, Maid and Lover. 117 

lio’s capital, his royal banner and that of Queen Ros- 
alba being carried in front of the troops. Hedzoff was 
made a Duke and a Field Marshal, Smith and Jones 
were promoted to be Earls, the Crim Tartar Order of 
the Pumpkin and the Paflagonian decoration of the Cu- 
cumber were freely distributed by their Majesties to the 
army. Queen Rosalba wore the Paflagonian Ribbon 
of the Cucumber across her riding habit, whilst King 
Giglio never appeared without the grand Cordon of the 
Pumpkin. How the people cheered them as they rode 
along side by side ! They were pronounced to be the 
handsomest couple ever seen : that was a matter of 
course ; but they really were very handsome, and, had 
they been otherwise, would have looked so, they were 
so happy ! Their Majesties were never separated dur- 
ing the whole day, but breakfasted, dined, and supped 
together always, and rode side by side, interchanging 
elegant compliments, and indulging in the most delight- 
ful conversation. At night, her Majesty’s ladies of 
honor (who had all rallied round her the day after King 
Padella’s defeat) came and conducted her to the apart- 
ments prepared for her ; whilst King Giglio, surrounded 
by his gentlemen, withdrew to his own royal quarters. 
It was agreed they should be married as soon as they 
reached the capital, and orders were dispatched to the 
Archbishop of Blombodinga, to hold himself in readi- 
ness to perform the interesting ceremony. Duke Hedz- 
off carried the message, and gave instructions to have 
the Royal Castle splendidly refurnished and painted 
afresh. The Duke seized Glumboso, the Ex-Prime Min- 
ister, and made him refund that considerable sum of 
money which the old scoundrel had secreted out of the 
late King’s treasure. He also clapped Valoroso into 
prison (who, by the way, had been dethroned for some 
considerable period past), and when the ex-monarch 
weakly remonstrated, Hedzoff said : “ A soldier, sir, 
knows but his duty ; my orders are to lock you up along 
with the Ex-King Padella, whom I have brought hither 
a prisoner under guard.” So these two ex-royal person- 


1 1 8 Here’s a Pretty Pair of Knaves, 

ages were sent for a year to the House of Correction, 
and thereafter were obliged to become monks, of the 
severest Order of Flagellants, in which state, by fasting, 
by vigils, by flogging (which they administered to one 
another, humbly but resolutely), no doubt they exhibited 



a repentance for their past misdeeds, usurpations, and 
private and public crimes. 

As for Glumboso, that rogue was sent to the galleys, 
and never had an opportunity to steal any more. 


Tell Us How the King Behaves. 


119 


CHAPTER XVIII. 

HOW THEY ALL JOURNEYED BACK TO THE CAPITAL. 

The Fairy Blackstick, by whose means this young 
King and Queen had certainly won their respective 
crowns back, would come not unfrequently to pay them 
a little visit — as they were riding in their triumphal 
progress towards Giglio’s capital — change her wand 
into a pony, and travel by their Majesties’ side, giving 
them the very best advice. I am not sure that King 
Giglio did not think the Fairy and her advice rather a 
bore, fancying it was his own valor and merits which 
had put him on his throne and conquered Padella ; and, 
in fine, I fear he rather gave himself airs towards his 
best friend and patroness. She exhorted him to deal 
justly by his subjects, to draw mildly on the taxes, never 
to break his promise when he had once given it, — and 
in all respects to be a good king. 

“A good king, my dear Fairy! ” cries Rosalba. “Of 
course he will. Break his promise ! Can you fancy my 
Giglio would ever do any thing so improper, so unlike 
him ? No ! never ! ” And she looked fondly towards 
Giglio, whom she thought a pattern of perfection. 

“ Why is Fairy Blackstick always advising me, and 
telling me how to manage my government, and warning 
me to keep my word? Does she suppose that I am not 
a man of sense and a man of honor ? ” asks Giglio 
testily. “ Methinks she rather presumes upon her 
position.” 


120 


Bulbo Now is Happy Quite, 

“Hush! dear Giglio,” says Rosalba. “You know 
Blackstick has been very kind to us, and we must not 
offend her.” But the Fairy was not listening to Giglio’s 
testy observations ; she had fallen back, and was trotting 
on her pony by Bulbo’s side, who rode a donkey, and 
made himself generally beloved in the army by his 
cheerfulness, kindness, and good humor to every body. 
He was eager to see his darling Angelica. He thought 
there never was such a charming being. .Blackstick did 
not tell him it was the possession of the magic rose that 
made Angelica so lovely in his eyes. She brought him 
the very best accounts of his little wife, whose misfor- 
tunes and humiliations had indeed very greatly improved 
her; and you see she could whisk off on her wand a 
hundred miles in a minute, and be back in no time, and 
so carry polite messages from Bulbo to Angelica, and 
from Angelica to Bulbo, and comfort that young man 
upon his journey. 

When the Royal party arrived at the last stage before 
you reach Blombodinga, who should be in waiting, in 
her carriage there with her lady of honor by her side, 
but the Princess Angelica. She rushed into her hus- 
band’s arms, scarcely stopping to make a passing curt- 
sey to the King and Queen. She had no eyes but for 
Bulbo, who appeared perfectly lovely to her on account 
of the fairy ring which he wore, whilst she herself, 
wearing the magic rose in her bonnet, seemed entirely 
beautiful to the enraptured Bulbo. 

A splendid luncheon was served to the Royal party, 
of which the Archbishop, the Chancellor, Duke Hedzoff, 
Countess Gruffanuff, and all our friends partook. The 
Fairy Blackstick being seated on the left of King Giglio, 
with Bulbo and Angelica beside her. You could hear 
the joy-bells ringing in the capital, and the guns which 
the citizens were firing off in honor of their Majesties. 

“What can have induced that hideous old Gruffanuff 
to dress herself up in such an absurd way ? Did you 
ask her to be your bridesmaid, my dear ? ” says Giglio 
to Rosalba. “What a figure of fun Gruffy is ! ” 


I 2 I 


Madam Gruff Demands Her Right. 

Gruffy was seated opposite their Majesties, between 
the Archbishop and the Lord Chancellor, and a figure 
of fun she certainly was, for she was dressed in a low 
white silk dress, with lace over, a wreath of white roses 
on her wig, a splendid lace veil, and her yellow old neck 
was covered with diamonds. She ogled the King in 
such a manner that his Majesty burst out laughing. 

“ Eleven o’clock ! ” cries Giglio, as the great Cathe- 
dral bell of Blombodinga tolled that hour. “ Gentlemen 
and ladies, we must be starting. Archbishop, you must 
be at church I think before twelve ? ” 

“ We must be at church before twelve,” sighs out 
Gruffanuff in a languishing voice, hiding her old face 
behind her fan. 

“ And then I shall be the happiest man in my domin- 
ions,” cries Giglio, with an elegant bow to the blushing 
Rosalba. 

“O my Giglio! O my dear Majesty!” exclaims 
Gruffanuff ; “ and can it be that this happy moment at 
length has arrived — ” 

“ Of course it has arrived,” says the King. 

“ — And that I am to become the enraptured bride 
of my adored Giglio ! ” continues Gruffanuff. “ Lend 
me a smelling-bottle, somebody. I certainly shall faint 
with joy.” 

“ You my bride ? ” roars out Giglio. 

“ You marry my Prince ? ” cries poor little Rosalba. 

“ Pooh ! Nonsense ! The woman’s mad ! ” exclaims 
the King. And all the courtiers exhibited, by their 
countenances and expressions, marks of surprise, or 
ridicule, or incredulity, or wonder. 

“ I should like to know who else is going to be mar- 
ried, if I am not ? ” shrieks out Gruffanuff. “ I should 
like to know if King Giglio is a gentleman, and if there 
is such a thing as justice in Paflagonia ? Lord Chancel- 
lor ! my Lord Archbishop ! will your lordships sit by 
and see a poor, fond, confiding, tender creature put 
upon? Has not Prince Giglio promised to marry his 
Barbara? Is not this Giglio’s signature? Does not 


122 


Giglio Shows Extreme Disgust, 


this paper declare that he is mine, and only mine ? ” 
And she handed to his Grace the Archbishop the docu- 
ment which the Prince signed that evening when she 
wore the magic ring, and Giglio drank so much cham- 
pagne. And the old Archbishop, taking out his eye- 
glasses, read : “ ‘ This is to give notice that I, Giglio, 
only son of Savio, King of Paflagonia, hereby promise 
to marry the charming Barbara Griselda Countess 
Gruffanuff and widow of the late Jenkins Gruffanuff, 
Esq.’ ” 

“ H’m,” says the Archbishop, “the document is cer- 
tainly a — a document.” 

“ Phoo,” says the Lord Chancellor, “ the signature is 
not in his Majesty’s handwriting.” Indeed, since his 
studies at Bosfora, Giglio had made an immense improve- 
ment in caligraphy. 

“Is it your handwriting, Giglio?” cries the Fairy 
Blackstick, with an awful severity of countenance. 

“ Y — y — y — es,” poor Giglio gasps out. “ I had quite 
forgotten the confounded paper ; she can’t mean to hold 
me by it. You old wretch, what will you take to let me 
off ? Help the Queen, some one, — her Majesty has 
fainted.” 



Exclaim the impetuous 
Hedzoff, the ardent 
Smith, and the faith- 
ful Jones. 


But Gruffanuff flung her arms round the Archbishop’s 
neck, and bellowed out, “Justice, justice, my Lord 
Chancellor ! ” so loudly, that her piercing shrieks caused 
every body to pause. As for Rosalba, she was borne 
away lifeless by her ladies ; and you may imagine the 
look of agony which Giglio cast towards that lovely 
being, as his hope, his joy, his darling, his all in all, was 
thus removed, and in her place the horrid old Gruffanuff 
rushed up to his side, and once more shrieked out, “Jus- 
tice ! justice!” 

“ Won’t you take that sum of money which Glum- 
boso hid ? ” says Giglio, “ two hundred and eighteen 


Says he Won’t, but Knows he Must. 123 

thousand millions, or thereabouts. It’s a handsome 
sum.” 

“ I will have that and you too ! ” says Gruffanuff. 

“ Let us throw the crown jewels into the bargain,” 
gasps out Giglio. 

“ I will wear them by my Giglio’s side ! ” says Gruff- 
anuff. 

“ Will half, three-quarters, five-sixths, nineteen-twen- 
tieths, of my kingdom do, Countess ? ” asks the trem- 
bling monarch. 

“ What were all Europe to me without you , my 
Giglio ? ” cries Gruff, kissing his hand. 

“I won’t, I can’t, I shan’t, — I’ll resign the crown 
first,” shouts Giglio, tearing away his hand; but Gruff 
clung to it. 

“ I have a competency, my love,” she says, “ and with 
thee and a cottage thy Barbara will be happy.” 

Giglio was half mad with rage by this time. “ I will 
not marry her,” says he. “ O Fairy, Fairy, give me 
counsel ! ” And as he spoke he looked wildly round at 
the severe face of the Fairy Blackstick. 

“‘Why is Fairy Blackstick always advising me, and 
warning me to keep my word ? Does she suppose that 
I am not a man of honor?’” said the Fairy, quoting 
Giglio’s own haughty words. He quailed under the 
brightness of her eyes ; he felt that there was no escape 
for him from that awful inquisition. 

“ Well, Archbishop,” said he, in. a dreadful voice, that 
made his Grace start, “ since this Fairy has led me to 
the height of happiness but to dash me down into the 
depths of despair, since I am to lose Rosalba, let me at 
least keep my honor. Get up, Countess, and let us be 
married ; I can keep my word, but I can die after- 
wards.” 

“ O dear Giglio,” cries Gruffanuff, skipping up, “ I 
knew, I knew I could trust thee — I knew that my Prince 
was the soul of honor. Jump into your carriages, ladies 
and gentlemen, and let us go to church at once ; and as 
for dying, dear Giglio, no, no : — thou wilt forget that 


124 Gruffy ! ’twixt the Cup and Lip, 

insignificant little chambermaid of a Queen — thou wilt 
live to be consoled by thy Barbara ! She wishes to be 
a Queen, and not a Queen Dowager, my gracious 
Lord ! ” and hanging upon poor Giglio’s arm, and leer- 
ing and grinning in his face in the most disgusting man- 
ner, this old wretch tripped off in her white satin shoes, 
and jumped into the very carriage which had been got 
ready to convey Giglio and Rosalba to church. The 
cannons roared again, the bells pealed triple-bobmajors, 
the people came out flinging flowers upon the path of 
the royal bride and bridegroom, and Gruff looked out of 
the gilt coach window and bowed and grinned to them. 
Phoo ! the horrid old wretch ! 


Still we Know there’s Many a Slip. 125 


CHAPTER XIX. 

AND NOW WE COME TO THE LAST SCENE IN THE 
PANTOMIME 

The many ups and downs of her life had given the 
Princess Rosalba prodigious strength of mind, and that 
highly principled young woman presently recovered from 
her fainting fit out of which Fairy Blackstick, by a pre- 
cious essence which the Fairy always carried in her 
pocket, awakened her. Instead of tearing her hair, cry- 
ing and bemoaning herself, and fainting again, as many 
young women would have done, Rosalba remembered 
that she owed an example of firmness to her subjects, 
and though she loved Giglio more than her life, was 
determined, as she told the Fairy, not to interfere be- 
tween him and justice, or to cause him to break his 
royal word. 

“ I cannot marry him, but I shall love him always,” 
says she to Blackstick ; “ I will go and be present at 
his marriage with the Countess, and sign the book, and 
wish them happy with all my heart. I will see, when I 
get home, whether I cannot make the new Queen some 
handsome presents. The Crim Tartary crown diamonds 
are uncommonly fine, and I shall never have any use for 
them. I will live and die unmarried like Queen Eliza- 
beth, and, of course, I shall leave my crown to Giglio 
when I quit this world. Let us go and see them mar- 
ried, my dear Fairy, let me say my one last farewell to 
him ; and then, if you please, I will return to my own 
dominions.” 


126 Plans of Rogues are often Crost, 

So the Fairy kissed Rosalba with peculiar tenderness, 
and at once changed her wand into a very comfortable 
coach-and-four, with a steady coachman, and two re- 
spectable footmen behind ; and the Fairy and Rosalba 
got into the coach, which Angelica and Bulbo entered 
after them. As for honest Bulbo, he was blubbering in 
the most pathetic manner, quite overcome by Rosalba’s 
misfortune. She was touched by the honest fellow’s 
sympathy, promised to restore to him the confiscated 
estates of Duke Padella, his father, and created him, as 
he sat there in the coach, Prince, Highness, and First 
Grandee of the Crim Tartar Empire. The coach moved 
on, and, being a fairy coach, soon came up with the 
bridal procession. 

Before the ceremony at the church it was the custom 
in Paflagonia, as it is in other countries, for the bride 
and bridegroom to sign the Contract of Marriage, which 
was to be witnessed by the Chancellor, Minister, Lord 
Mayor, and principal officers of state. Now, as the 
Royal Palace was being painted and furnished anew, 
it was not ready for the reception of the King and his 
bride, who proposed at first to take up their residence 
at the Prince’s palace, that one which Valorosa occupied 
when Angelica was born, and before he usurped the 
throne. 

So the marriage party drove up to the palace : the 
dignitaries got out of their carriages and stood aside ; 
poor Rosalba stepped out of her coach, supported by 
Bulbo, and stood almost fainting up against the railings, 
so as to have a last look of her dear Giglio. As for 
Blackstick, she, according to her custom, had flown out 
of the coach window in some inscrutable manner, and 
was now standing at the palace door. 

Giglio came up the steps with his horrible bride on 
his arm, looking as pale as if he were going to execu- 
tion. He only frowned at the Fairy Blackstick — he 
was angry with her, and thought she came to insult his 
misery. 

“ Get out of the way, pray,” says Gruffanuff, haugh- 



Madam Gruffanuff finds a Husband. 






- 




















































































































































































































































































































































Gruffy’s Husband Won and Lost. 127 

tily. “ I wonder why you are always poking your nose 
into other people’s affairs ? ” 

“ Are you determined to make this poor young man 
unhappy ? ” says Blackstick. 

“To marry him, yes! What business is it of yours? 
Pray, madam, don’t say ‘ you ’ to a Queen,’’ cries 
Gruffanuff. 

“ You won’t take the money he offered you ? ” 

“ No.” 

“You won’t let him off his bargain, though you 
know you cheated him when you made him sign the 
paper ? ” 

“ Impudence ! Policemen, remove this woman ! ” cries 
Gruffanuff. And the policemen were rushing forward, 
but with a wave of her wand the Fairy struck them all 
like so many statues in their places. 

“ You won’t take anything in exchange for your bond, 
Mrs. Gruffanuff,” cries the Fairy, with awful severity. 
“ I speak for the last time.” 

“ No ! ” shrieks Gruffanuff, stamping with her foot. 
“ I’ll have my husband, my husband, my husband! ” 

“ You Shall have your Husband ! ” the Fairy Black- 
stick cried ; and advancing a step laid her hand upon 
the nose of the Knocker. 

As she touched it, the brass nose seemed to elongate, 
the open mouth opened still wider, and uttered a roar 
which made everybody start. The eyes rolled wildly ; 
the arms and legs uncurled themselves, writhed about, 
and seemed to lengthen with each twist ; the knocker 
expanded into a figure in yellow livery, six feet high ; 
the screws by which it was fixed to the door unloosed 
themselves, and Jenkins Gruffanuff once more trod 
the threshold off which he had been lifted more than 
twenty years ago ! 

“ Master’s not at home,” says Jenkins, just in his old 
voice; and Mrs. Jenkins, giving a dreadful youp, fell 
down in a fit, in which nobody minded her. 


128 So our Little Story Ends; 

Merry Christmas, Good My Friends. 

For everybody was shouting: “Huzzay! huzzay ! ” 
“ Hip, hip, hurray ! ” “ Long live the King and Queen ! ” 
“ Were such things ever seen ? ” “ No, never, never, 

never ! ” “ The Fairy Blackstick forever ! ” 

The bells were ringing double peals, the guns roaring 
and banging most prodigiously. Bulbo was embracing 
everybody ; the Lord Chancellor was flinging up his 
wig and shouting like a madman ; Hedzoff had got the 
Archbishop round the waist, and they were dancing a 
jig for joy; and as for Giglio, I leave you to imagine 
what he was doing, and if he kissed Rosalba once, twice 
— twenty thousand times, I’m sure I don’t think he was 
wrong. 

So Gruffanuff opened the hall door with a low bow, 
just as he had been accustomed to do, and they all went 
in and signed the book, and then they went to church 
and were married, and the Fairy Blackstick sailed away 
on her cane, and was never more heard of in Paflagonia. 

And here ends the fireside pantomime. 


NOTE. 


Thackeray’s only book for children, “The Rose and the 
Ring,” has given him a place among writers for children which 
is second only to that which he enjoys as a novelist. His 
prelude to the book tells the story of how it came to be written. 

Thackeray was born in 181 1 and died in 1862. At the age of 
eleven years he went to the Charter House, a famous old Lon- 
don School, and there is no doubt that his experience there 
furnished him with material for many of the scenes in his 
books, and adds another example to the long list of authors 
whose schoolboy days have influenced not alone their lives, but 
their works. 

He had a great ambition to become an artist, and he wrote 
at one time : “ I can draw better than do anything else, and 
certainly I should like it better than any other occupation.” 
At one time he made an application to illustrate Dickens’ 
“ Pickwick.” How far he succeeded as an artist is pretty 
evident from the pictures in this book. He was certainly 
more effective in the direction of caricature than in any other. 

For many years he worked hard as a journalist and magazine 
writer. His first book was “ The Paris Sketch-book,” pub- 
lished in 1840, which was followed in 1841 by “Comic Tales 
and Sketches.” Both of these publications were at first a 
failure. Then followed “ The Hoggarty Diamond,” “ A Shabby 
Genteel Story,” “ Barry Lyndon,” and “ Men’s Wives,” all of 
which appeared in Fraser's Magazine. In 1843 “The Irish 
Sketch-book ” appeared, and in 1846 he wrote “ From Corn- 
hill to Cairo.” “Vanity Fair,” his most famous book, began 
to be published in 1847 m monthly numbers. It was not at 
first a success. At one time there was talk of its publication 
being discontinued, but long before it was completed the 
public recognized its power, and from this moment Thackeray 
was a name to conjure with. Thackeray himself says that the 
first of his Christmas books, “ Mrs. Perkins’ Ball,” was the one 
which originally called public attention to him as an author. 

129 


AUG 20 1901 

130 


Note. 


On the 1 st of January, i860, the first number of The Corn- 
hill Magazine appeared. This magazine was intended to give 
for twenty-five cents what Blackwood's and other magazines 
had been previously charging more than twice as much for. 
Thackeray was its first editor, and he contributed a great deal 
to it, but after two years the pain of refusing the manuscripts 
which he was unable to use became too great for his kindly 
nature, and he retired from the post. 

His other books are “ Pendennis,” “ Esmond,” “The New- 
comes,” “ Lovell the Widower,” “ Philip,” “ The Roundabout 
Papers,” and “ Denis Duval.” 

In 1852 he visited America and delivered a series of lectures 
on the humorists which had already been received with great 
success in London, and he repeated the visit three years later. 

It has been said of him that “ as an artist he is unsurpassed 
by any novelist either in his style or in his powers of descrip- 
tion or character drawing, or in the crowning gift of telling a 
story.” C. W. 


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